A friend of mine sent out an email recently making a case for regulation causing the mortgage crisis, as opposed to de-regulation. I've asked him if I could post or link to (if available) his argument.
In either case, I wanted to post my rebuttal. Please feel free to chime in with questions or comments.
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
I think you missed some stuff while overstating the case in other places.
First off, Fannie and Freddie didn't even get into the mess until 2006 (here) or so, well after the bubble began and these bullshit loans started. And even then they don't make loans, but purchase existing loans. So to imply that they were forced to make loans to low-income families and thus caused the whole thing to come crashing down is a bit dishonest.
Second, the CRA didn't force private banks to do anything, and certainly didn't force them to change underwriting rules and make up NINJA loans and the type. It was also enacted in 1977. It is just now becoming an issue? Hardly. Here is a different take on it.
Third, the poor don't exactly have a lot of money and the loans they were getting were pretty small in the grand the scheme of things. The big guys, like Bears and Lerhmann brothers were the ones making the bad bets and then packaging them with good ones and reselling them as derivative securities to companies like, well...Fannie and Freddie who have always been tasked to do so since their creation. Their entire point of existence was to help guarantee loans to banks so that more people could get into houses. It was the greed of the lenders, their willingness to throw out rules and no oversight that allowed this to fester and explode like this. In fact, this study shows that CRA banks only made up between 20 and 25% of the subprime loans and were less likely to make such a loan. So who is responsible for the remaining 75% or so?
Forth, let us not forget the rating agencies complicity in this. They went along and rated these derivatives highly even though it was a load of crap. How were they allowed to do this? Deregulation! Nice write up on all of this here.
Fifth, $127,000 is dick compared to the nearly $2 million McCain's campaign manager was paid by Fannie and Freddie as president of an advocacy group whose purpose was to defend them from, you guessed it, regulation (here)! Opps.
Finally, regardless of the responsibility for the mortgage issue, it has gone well beyond that into the credit industry because of CDS that were not regulated at all and had no transparency. That is the bigger issue here and the cause for all of these banks to fail and the $700 bailout. The mortgage crisis just brought about the inevitable sooner than later.
Friday, October 31, 2008
Are You Registered To Vote
Are you?
If you are in Virginia, check out this tool. It'll tell you if you are registered properly, where to vote, what the ballot will look like, what districs you are in, etc. Awesome resource.
If you are in Virginia, check out this tool. It'll tell you if you are registered properly, where to vote, what the ballot will look like, what districs you are in, etc. Awesome resource.
Spheres!
It would be cool to hang out in one of these for a weekend. Kinda reminds me of a cabin in a sailboat a little.
Thursday, October 30, 2008
Hard Candy
I have been up most of the night watching free horror flicks on Fear Net via Comcast On Demand. It it was of my vices. The first three (2001 Maniacs, Are You Scared and Graveyard) were your typical hack-n-slash sorta flicks. One was in the same vein as Saw. They were entertaining, even a bit hard to watch at times.
The last one, however, was great. It is called 'Hard Candy' and stars Ellen Page of 'Juno' fame. Good god is that girl good. And talk about role reversals. There is no gore (ok, very very little) in the entire movie but it is easily one of the most disturbing things I've seen. Probably not the best Halloween movie though, particularly for guys. I got pretty squeamish due to some suggestive stuff aimed at male parts in the middle of it.
In any case, if you want to see some really powerful acting my Ellen Page and some interesting role reversal stuff, and don't mind being a bit disturbed, check it out.
Rare to find a gem like that in the free movies.
The last one, however, was great. It is called 'Hard Candy' and stars Ellen Page of 'Juno' fame. Good god is that girl good. And talk about role reversals. There is no gore (ok, very very little) in the entire movie but it is easily one of the most disturbing things I've seen. Probably not the best Halloween movie though, particularly for guys. I got pretty squeamish due to some suggestive stuff aimed at male parts in the middle of it.
In any case, if you want to see some really powerful acting my Ellen Page and some interesting role reversal stuff, and don't mind being a bit disturbed, check it out.
Rare to find a gem like that in the free movies.
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
Stuck
So what do you do when past stuff gets so in the way that it seems impossible to move forward? I wish there was a 'Do Over' button or a 'Wipe the Slate Clean' switch or something. You learn, you make mistakes, you change but it seems that in the process of doing so the hurts involved in growing build up and feel as though they can't be overcome.
It is heartbreakingly frustrating and I don't know how to unravel this knot.
I'd like my Easy Button now, please.
It is heartbreakingly frustrating and I don't know how to unravel this knot.
I'd like my Easy Button now, please.
Monday, October 27, 2008
Bye Bye Mr. Series Of Tubes
Hahahahahahahaha! That corrupt punk-ass is on his way out and the Dems are most likely going to be one seat closer to a 60-seat majority thanks to Alaska of all places.
Ted Stevens, for those of you who don't know, chaired the committee under the Repubs that oversees the Internet. And if you are unaware of all Internet traditions, his understanding of the Internet is lacking, to say the least. To Wit! And the Remix Version. This was in relation to the (hopefully forever) dead Net Neutrality Bill.
Ted Stevens, for those of you who don't know, chaired the committee under the Repubs that oversees the Internet. And if you are unaware of all Internet traditions, his understanding of the Internet is lacking, to say the least. To Wit! And the Remix Version. This was in relation to the (hopefully forever) dead Net Neutrality Bill.
Giants Yardsigns and John Galt
John Galt is Ayn Rand's character in the book 'Atlas Shrugs' who more or less defines free market fundamentalism (or objectivism). Alan Greenspan was one of Ayn's disciples and it was his polices - the ideals of free market funamentalism of deregulation and the like - that led to the S&L crisis and this mess we are in now. This is a great article detailing where Greenspan came from and how we went from Ayn Rand to financial disaster. The free market is a pipe dream.
In other news, during the Iraq war when people were running around calling liberals traitors because we dared question the crazies, we were told we didn't support the troops because we questioned. All we needed to do was to clap louder and everything would turn out just peachy. Well, apparently the 'clap louder' strategy has morphed into the 'biggest yard sign' strategy. I don't know if anyone else noticed but McCain fans like their signs big. As proof, I submit this.
Clap louder, people. Use your brain, Vote McMain.
Can we laugh at these people now?
In other news, during the Iraq war when people were running around calling liberals traitors because we dared question the crazies, we were told we didn't support the troops because we questioned. All we needed to do was to clap louder and everything would turn out just peachy. Well, apparently the 'clap louder' strategy has morphed into the 'biggest yard sign' strategy. I don't know if anyone else noticed but McCain fans like their signs big. As proof, I submit this.
Clap louder, people. Use your brain, Vote McMain.
Can we laugh at these people now?
Sunday, October 26, 2008
Famous People Blogs
I've linked to Newsgroper before. It is a site that has people pretending to blog as various famous people. Only other 'famous' people can comment on the entries as well.
John McCain has his own. This is pretty funny. The comments on this one are pretty good.
Sarah Palin's.
Obamarama.
And of course, Christopher Walken.
Lots of them. See if your favorites are there.
John McCain has his own. This is pretty funny. The comments on this one are pretty good.
Sarah Palin's.
Obamarama.
And of course, Christopher Walken.
Lots of them. See if your favorites are there.
Saturday, October 25, 2008
Friday, October 24, 2008
Election Craziness Perspective
I have been hoping someone would do this for a long time. I've always maintained that the crazy crap that the media spews isn't new, it is just hitting a wider audience because of the accessibility of it.
That linky talks about the various themes that rotate through elections and where they first started. You know, 100+ years ago.
Good stuff. #3 is the best. Particularly the last line.
That linky talks about the various themes that rotate through elections and where they first started. You know, 100+ years ago.
Good stuff. #3 is the best. Particularly the last line.
Vice Presidencial History
With all the crazy regarding Sarah Palin I have been wanting to check out the history of the VP office. I could have sworn that originally it was the 2nd place finisher to the presidency that became VP. Turns out, for the first 15 years or so that was indeed the case. Wild.
Anyway, this is a good summary of the history of the office.
Anyway, this is a good summary of the history of the office.
Your Sign - Abbreviated
This came from an email with the usual 'forward or you will die' sorta stuff attached to it. I yanked out that bit because I thought the short, concise descriptions were pretty good. For those of you w/o the time or inclination to look up those long descriptions. Waddya think?
Mine was right on.
CAPRICORN - The Go-Getter (Dec 22 -Jan 19) Patient and wise. Practical and rigid. Ambitious. Tends to be Good-looking. Humorous and funny. Can be a bit shy and reserved. Often pessimistic. Capricorns tend to act before they think and can be Unfriendly at times. Hold grudges. Like competition. Get what they Want.
AQUARIUS - The Sweetheart (Jan 20 - Feb 18) Optimistic and honest. Sweet personality. Very independent. Inventive and intelligent. Friendly and loyal. Can seem unemotional. Can be a bit rebellious. Very stubborn, but original and unique. Attractive on the inside and out. Eccentric personality.
PISCES - The Dreamer (Feb 19 - Mar 20) Generous, kind, and thoughtful. Very creative and imaginative.May become secretive and vague. Sensitive. Don't like details. Dreamy and unrealistic. Sympathetic and loving. Kind. Unselfish. Good kisser. Beautiful.
ARIES - The Daredevil (Mar 21 - April 19) Energetic. Adventurous and spontaneous. Confident and enthusiastic. Fun. Loves a challenge. EXTREMELY impatient. Sometimes selfish. Short fuse. (Easily angered.) Lively, passionate, and sharp wit. Outgoing. Lose interest quickly - easily bored. Egotistical. Courageous and assertive. Tends to be physical and athletic.
TAURUS - The Enduring One (April 20 - May 20) Charming but aggressive. Can come off as boring, but they are not. Hard workers. Warm-hearted. Strong, has endurance. Solid beings that are stable and secure in their ways. Not looking for shortcuts. Take pride in their beauty. Patient and reliable. Make great friends and give good advice.Loving and kind. Loves hard - passionate. Express themselves emotionally. Prone to ferocious temper-tantrums. Determined. Indulge themselves often. Very generous.
GEMINI - The Chatterbox (May 21 - June 20) Smart and witty. Outgoing, very chatty. Lively, energetic. Adaptable But needs to express themselves. Argumentative and outspoken. Like change. Versatile. Busy, sometimes nervous and tense. Gossips. May seem superficial or inconsistent. Beautiful physically and mentally.
CANCER - The Protector (June 21 - July 22) Moody, emotional. May be shy. Very loving and caring. Pretty/handsome. Excellent partners for life. Protective. Inventive and imaginative. Cautious. Touchy-feely kind of person. Needs love from others. Easily hurt, but sympathetic.
LEO - The Boss (July 23 - Aug 22) Very organized. Need order in their lives - like being in control. Like boundaries. Tend to take over everything. Bossy. Like to help Others. Social and outgoing. Extroverted. Generous, warm-hearted. Sensitive. Creative energy. Full of themselves. Loving. Doing the right thing is important to Leos. Attractive.
VIRGO - The Perfectionist (Aug 23 - Sept 22) Dominant In relationships. Conservative. Always wants the last word. Argumentative. Worries. Very smart. Dislikes noise and chaos. Eager. Hardworking. Loyal. Beautiful. Easy to talk to.Hard to please. Harsh. Practical and very fussy. Often shy. Pessimistic.
LIBRA - The Harmonizer (Sept 23 - Oct22) Nice to everyone they meet. Can't make up their mind. Have own unique appeal. Creative, energetic, and very social. Hates to be alone. Peaceful, generous. Very loving and beautiful. Flirtatious. Give in too easily. Procrastinators. Very gullible.
SCORPIO - The Intense One (Oct 23 - Nov 21) Very energetic. Intelligent. Can be jealous and/or possessive. Hardworking. Great kisser. Can become obsessive or secretive. Holds grudges. Attractive. Determined. Loves being in long Relationships. Talkative. Romantic. Can be self-centered at times. Passionate and Emotional.
SAGITTARIUS - The Happy-Go-Lucky One (Nov 22 - Dec 21) Good-natured optimist. Doesn't want to grow up (Peter Pan Syndrome). Indulges self. Boastful. Likes luxuries and gambling. Social and outgoing. Doesn't like responsibilities. Often fantasizes. Impatient. Fun to be around. Having lots of friends. Flirtatious. Doesn't like rules. Sometimes hypocritical. Dislikes being confined - tight spaces or even tight clothes. Doesn't like being doubted. Beautiful inside and out.
Mine was right on.
Thursday, October 23, 2008
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
Obamarama! - Trapped!
Obamarama! - Mark Warner Style
Obamarama - Excitement Unknown
Obamarama! - View from the Ground
Obamarama! - View from the Ground
Obamarama! - Peeps Behind Us
Monday, October 20, 2008
Obama in Leesburg Wednesday
Obama will be at Ida Lee Park in Leesubrg, VA at 3 pm this Wednesday. Anyone want to join me?
Friday, October 17, 2008
Eagle Eye
Now, you all know that I rarely come across a movie I don't enjoy. So with that said, I enjoyed Eagle Eye greatly. It is like a cross between 'Enemy of the State' and the Anime 'Ghost in the Shell'. The first half is a mystery since you have no idea what is going on nor do the characters. Couple parts in an extended car chase scene made me go 'wow'.
Once they reveal how most of it fits together a little past half way through the rest of the movie is about how to stop whatever it is, etc. It leaves some mystery going until the very end. I liked the plot because of the 'Ghost in the Machine' sorta tie in.
All in all, it is a good movie if you want something distracting for a couple of hours.
Once they reveal how most of it fits together a little past half way through the rest of the movie is about how to stop whatever it is, etc. It leaves some mystery going until the very end. I liked the plot because of the 'Ghost in the Machine' sorta tie in.
All in all, it is a good movie if you want something distracting for a couple of hours.
Thursday, October 16, 2008
So I Sit
So I sit in this big ass theater right in the middle with my gallon of lemonade and nachos waiting for the movie to start. It has occurred to me to sit up in the back right corner and look suspicious but I decided against that.
This is why I prefer to be late to movies instead of early. Too many damn commercials and my mind wonders all over the place.
Now a couple has shown up and the theater doesn't feel as, I don't know, solitary? And now more people.
Let the movie begin!
This is why I prefer to be late to movies instead of early. Too many damn commercials and my mind wonders all over the place.
Now a couple has shown up and the theater doesn't feel as, I don't know, solitary? And now more people.
Let the movie begin!
Joe Update
Just got off the phone with Joe. He sounds very update and cheerful. Here is the deal.
He has had four operations with one more scheduled in January then radiation. The tumor was never cancerous but the radiation is the only way to get at the last part of it. They think he may have had it since birth and it just kept growing until it hit 'critical mass'.
The down side to all of this is that he is deaf on his right side and he can only make out blurred shapes. The eye sight most likely won't come back, unfortunately, so he has been looking into schools for Braille and the like.
On the plus side, he has lost a lot of weight and is still alive. :)
All and all, like I said before he is very upbeat about all of this and taking it in stride. If anyone who knows him wants to join me in a visit sometime, let me know.
He has had four operations with one more scheduled in January then radiation. The tumor was never cancerous but the radiation is the only way to get at the last part of it. They think he may have had it since birth and it just kept growing until it hit 'critical mass'.
The down side to all of this is that he is deaf on his right side and he can only make out blurred shapes. The eye sight most likely won't come back, unfortunately, so he has been looking into schools for Braille and the like.
On the plus side, he has lost a lot of weight and is still alive. :)
All and all, like I said before he is very upbeat about all of this and taking it in stride. If anyone who knows him wants to join me in a visit sometime, let me know.
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
Simple Lesson My Ass
Just came across this from that Astrology site:
I may be over reacting to this one a bit.
Check please.
The great moral lesson to be learned by the chidren of Mercury is a relatively easy one...they must learn to mean what they say.
I may be over reacting to this one a bit.
Check please.
How Does This Sound?
"Our experiences color the way we perceive the world around us. Understanding those perceptions and where they came from can help avoid the assumptions and miscommunications at the heart of most of our misery."
Thoughts?
Thoughts?
Fricken Astrology
So this site was recently mentioned on another blog and I spent some time poking around it. Recently, hippy magic has started to play a larger interest in my life. Just to put it in perspective, I don't care why something works. If it appears to have an affect or is more accurate than not, that is good enough for me.
Anyway, like I said I started to poke around on the site and read about Gemini's. As I found out recently, I'm a triple gem so that makes it pretty easy to remember my moon and ascendent signs. I thought I'd quote some stuff and then add some commentary, just because.
I don't know about youth but the first two fit. I love telling stories, even though I suck at it from time to time. And communication, well...yea.
Damn it.
If this doesn't sum up what I've been about for the past year or so I don't know what does. At least in my head, anyway.
This makes me sad.
It seems to be that changeable and inquisitiv aren't necessarily bad traits? Cunning as well. Superficial...boo.
And a gossip, me? Ha!
Yes indeed. The conventional learning part in particular. Totally dropped out of college because of that stuff. Couldn't get into it.
That one is interesting for a lot of reasons I'm not sure I can get into right now.
The 'displays of withdrawal' bit on this one is what really caught my attention. I go through these phases, pretty short on either side, of wanting to hang out with people and be totally active...and then close myself in my house and not go anywhere. They usually cycle through several times a week. Nothing personal, just need to recharge I guess.
Ain't that the truth.
This vexes me.
Ya, understanding is pretty important. In some past relationships I've felt I had to justify my actions or couldn't be who I was. That sucked and made for a depressed Ryan.
Sad again. Stupid fears.
This is something that still can get to me but I think I have dealt with this one pretty well. Back in High School I used to get SO bent out-of-shape when my plans would fall apart. I mean like super frustrated and pissy. I dealt with that mostly by not putting together concrete plans anymore. Now I try to come up with a 'framework'...a generalized idea of what I want to do but try to remain very flexible. That works well for me.
In other words, 'COMMENT DAMN IT!'. :D
Displayed without comment.
Again w/o comment.
That was in the physical appearance section talking about hair. Wild.
This bit more or less describes what has gotten me into the situation I find myself. My conversation on Monday morning was all about this and getting permission to be Ok with my feelings and not have to evaluate them. Inconsistency is the bain of my existence sometimes.
Word. I like the last sentence the most. Several years ago when I first started toying with the idea of taking medication one of my main reasons was because I couldn't concentrate on anything for a long period of time. ADD runs in the male side of the family so I figured that a 'magic pill' may be able to help me out. Well, while meds have helped with some anxiety stuff my ability to concentrate is still shit. But I've come to accept it more and an embrace it.
Ok, this has gotten long enough. Found it interesting and helpful. Go look up your stuff!
Anyway, like I said I started to poke around on the site and read about Gemini's. As I found out recently, I'm a triple gem so that makes it pretty easy to remember my moon and ascendent signs. I thought I'd quote some stuff and then add some commentary, just because.
Gemini is the Third Sign of the Zodiac, associated with storytellers, communicators and youth.
I don't know about youth but the first two fit. I love telling stories, even though I suck at it from time to time. And communication, well...yea.
these individuals should strive to learn perseverence and cultivate depth. They need to aspire to substance as well as style, attempting to take themselves...and their words...more seriously.
Damn it.
organize personal experiences in order to form a unique picture of the world and then communicate those perceptions to others
If this doesn't sum up what I've been about for the past year or so I don't know what does. At least in my head, anyway.
The opposite sign to Gemini is Saggitarius. From Saggitarius, Gemini can learn to absorb a broader view of life and provide structure to the mass of information which is inherently collected. Thus, can Gemini natives learn to discover the truth.
This makes me sad.
Negative Traits: changeable, restless, inquisitive, inconsistent, superficial, cunning, nervous, tense and something of a gossip.
It seems to be that changeable and inquisitiv aren't necessarily bad traits? Cunning as well. Superficial...boo.
And a gossip, me? Ha!
Likes: talking, novelty, variety, anything unusual and working on multiple projects at the same time.
Dislikes: being alone, being in a rut, mental inaction, conventional learning and feeling tied down.
Yes indeed. The conventional learning part in particular. Totally dropped out of college because of that stuff. Couldn't get into it.
Spiritual Goal: To learn how to cooperate
That one is interesting for a lot of reasons I'm not sure I can get into right now.
Gemini natives are imaginative, generous and affectionate, but their frequent desire for change often makes them dissatisfied with existing conditions. Friends of those born under this influence of this Sign love the cheerfulness, quick wit and lively mind inherent in the Gemini make-up, but are often puzzled by the displays of withdrawal which are also a feature of this Zodiac Sign.
The 'displays of withdrawal' bit on this one is what really caught my attention. I go through these phases, pretty short on either side, of wanting to hang out with people and be totally active...and then close myself in my house and not go anywhere. They usually cycle through several times a week. Nothing personal, just need to recharge I guess.
In short, due to an insatiable urge to invade new territory, the Gemini individual tends to be free with what he or she does not need or want and may frequently neglect or reject much that could be useful and/or valuable.
Ain't that the truth.
that alhough they have been born under two lucky stars (instead of just one, like most others), this double luck can run out and result in nothing.
This vexes me.
it is important for Gemini individuals to be in touch with those who understand them. If not, then there is a tendency to wilt and undergo an intellectual suffering that few will be able to fully comprehend.
Ya, understanding is pretty important. In some past relationships I've felt I had to justify my actions or couldn't be who I was. That sucked and made for a depressed Ryan.
Gemini's reach for the perfect human relationship will probably mean that such an individual is constantly disappointed until he or she realizes that there truly is no such thing as a "perfect relationship." Indeed, it may be Gemini's secret fear that he or she will never find a true "soul-mate" for life.
Sad again. Stupid fears.
There is a tendency here to want everything to go smoothly and according to plan without any personal effort.
This is something that still can get to me but I think I have dealt with this one pretty well. Back in High School I used to get SO bent out-of-shape when my plans would fall apart. I mean like super frustrated and pissy. I dealt with that mostly by not putting together concrete plans anymore. Now I try to come up with a 'framework'...a generalized idea of what I want to do but try to remain very flexible. That works well for me.
Gemini individuals need constant feedback for the good of their souls.
In other words, 'COMMENT DAMN IT!'. :D
[snip]...coupled with an amusingly biased outlook on varying human situations. With regard to serious issues, however, Gemini is invariably scrupulously fair and unbiased.
Displayed without comment.
can close a potentially romantic chapter with more finality than any other male of the Zodiac when he suspects something valuable and dear will be lost to him should he choose to continue.
Again w/o comment.
However, there is often a tendency toward greyness rather early in life.
That was in the physical appearance section talking about hair. Wild.
the swift mental activity of the inherent Gemini character coupled with the emotionality of the Moon causes feelings to be held in too much scrutiny. The Gemini Moon expresses emotions in an uneven and inconsistent manner while harboring a direct need to speak the truth.
This bit more or less describes what has gotten me into the situation I find myself. My conversation on Monday morning was all about this and getting permission to be Ok with my feelings and not have to evaluate them. Inconsistency is the bain of my existence sometimes.
The Gemini Sun/Gemini Moon combination produces what could be described as a personality of very high voltage electricity. This will not be a steady and smooth flow of electricity, but rather one composed of static charges which are constantly active and bound from one place to another. [snip] No matter how hard Gemini natives ruled by a Gemini Moon might try, they are not apt to "burn a hole" of concentrative intensity through anything.
Word. I like the last sentence the most. Several years ago when I first started toying with the idea of taking medication one of my main reasons was because I couldn't concentrate on anything for a long period of time. ADD runs in the male side of the family so I figured that a 'magic pill' may be able to help me out. Well, while meds have helped with some anxiety stuff my ability to concentrate is still shit. But I've come to accept it more and an embrace it.
Ok, this has gotten long enough. Found it interesting and helpful. Go look up your stuff!
Friday, October 10, 2008
Taken the First Step
Well, that post helped a lot. As well as some of the encouragement I've received from others for quite a while. I contacted the one person I think that may be able to help me take the first steps towards whatever is next and will be meeting Monday morning.
Now I'm all sorts of anxious about it. I didn't think I would be, but there you go.
In any case, I imagine change will be acoming.
Now I'm all sorts of anxious about it. I didn't think I would be, but there you go.
In any case, I imagine change will be acoming.
Circumstances and Emotion
UPDATED AT BOTTOM
I fear I am suffering from circumstances of my own creating.
In general, things are moving along nicely. Granted, I have no steady job, but I have enough money to get by for a couple of months to give me time to come up with something. I'm starting to look more like a bowling pin than a stick, but various tests (Doctor and others) say I'm basically healthy, just out-of-shape. Where I am suffering is in the romantic area of life, and it is my fault.
I've come along tremendously in understanding and dealing with my crap from an intellectual point of view. What I have fallen flat on is in dealing with my emotional maturity, or lack there of. Plainly, I suck at connecting with people on an emotional level. It isn't that I can't do it, it is that I am scared to death to do it.
I can feel this tight ball of emotion kinda wrapped up nice and tidy deep in my chest and it scares me to even think about started to unwrap it. I don't know why and maybe I don't need to know why. Maybe it is just one of those things that I just need to do and not evaluate?
I thought dealing with anxiety and some other issues were tough. That stuff was a piece of cake compared to what I feel this is going to be. I know where to start. I even know who to talk to. But I feel paralyzed to do it.
As a result of this fear and inability (or unwillingness?) to act I think I lost, or am well on my way to doing so, a relationship that was very important to me. And that cuts me to the bone.
So I feel trapped in circumstances of my own making. I know the way out. Why can't I take that first step?
UPDATE: Just a point of clarification. When I speak about that ball of emotion it isn't about a single relationship. It is something that has been forming for years, ever since I started controlling my emotion rather than experiencing it.
I fear I am suffering from circumstances of my own creating.
In general, things are moving along nicely. Granted, I have no steady job, but I have enough money to get by for a couple of months to give me time to come up with something. I'm starting to look more like a bowling pin than a stick, but various tests (Doctor and others) say I'm basically healthy, just out-of-shape. Where I am suffering is in the romantic area of life, and it is my fault.
I've come along tremendously in understanding and dealing with my crap from an intellectual point of view. What I have fallen flat on is in dealing with my emotional maturity, or lack there of. Plainly, I suck at connecting with people on an emotional level. It isn't that I can't do it, it is that I am scared to death to do it.
I can feel this tight ball of emotion kinda wrapped up nice and tidy deep in my chest and it scares me to even think about started to unwrap it. I don't know why and maybe I don't need to know why. Maybe it is just one of those things that I just need to do and not evaluate?
I thought dealing with anxiety and some other issues were tough. That stuff was a piece of cake compared to what I feel this is going to be. I know where to start. I even know who to talk to. But I feel paralyzed to do it.
As a result of this fear and inability (or unwillingness?) to act I think I lost, or am well on my way to doing so, a relationship that was very important to me. And that cuts me to the bone.
So I feel trapped in circumstances of my own making. I know the way out. Why can't I take that first step?
UPDATE: Just a point of clarification. When I speak about that ball of emotion it isn't about a single relationship. It is something that has been forming for years, ever since I started controlling my emotion rather than experiencing it.
The Economy
Why does the economy tanking not send me into the corner to rock back and forth and fear the next 'great depression'? I have no idea. It certainly is bad. But I can't see how it could possibly be 'great depression' bad. There are no runs on the banks. They are talking about even uping the FDIC limits. We just forked over $700 BILLION to the idiots that got us in this mess in the first place. It was stupid to do, particularly given their track record, but it was better than doing nothing.
People are calling the floor of the Dow to be around 7300 points. That's just about 50% off of its peak. That is quite the dive, surely, and for those with money in 401k and other stocks its devastating. But only in the short term. That sucker will come back up and it'll be on more solid funding. The market has been riding one bubble after another since the mid-90s. It would have been nice to have a slow adjustment but it would have happened sooner or later.
The problems that caused this are systemic. Our markets are reactionary. The only way systemic problems were going to be addressed were by a reaction to something huge, like this. The deregulators that have been trying to roll back New Deal regulations succeeded and we all got to reap what they sowed. Hopefully, when the adults are in power again, they can re-establish regulations and get rid of the 'Wall Street Magic' bullshit constructions that led to this stuff. Get rid of this magic accounting crap that allows firms to push their bad investments to shell companies and to make up BS constructs like the Credit Default Swap packages so that no one knows who has what or how much it is worth.
What I am saying is this. The economy wreck doesn't send me into an apoplectic fear because this is what had to happen to fix the rot at the center of the financial markets. This is a good thing. Eventually.
People are calling the floor of the Dow to be around 7300 points. That's just about 50% off of its peak. That is quite the dive, surely, and for those with money in 401k and other stocks its devastating. But only in the short term. That sucker will come back up and it'll be on more solid funding. The market has been riding one bubble after another since the mid-90s. It would have been nice to have a slow adjustment but it would have happened sooner or later.
The problems that caused this are systemic. Our markets are reactionary. The only way systemic problems were going to be addressed were by a reaction to something huge, like this. The deregulators that have been trying to roll back New Deal regulations succeeded and we all got to reap what they sowed. Hopefully, when the adults are in power again, they can re-establish regulations and get rid of the 'Wall Street Magic' bullshit constructions that led to this stuff. Get rid of this magic accounting crap that allows firms to push their bad investments to shell companies and to make up BS constructs like the Credit Default Swap packages so that no one knows who has what or how much it is worth.
What I am saying is this. The economy wreck doesn't send me into an apoplectic fear because this is what had to happen to fix the rot at the center of the financial markets. This is a good thing. Eventually.
Totem
"Totem" - Rush
I've got twelve disciples and a Buddha smile
Garden of Allah, Viking Valhalla
A miracle once in a while
I've got a pantheon of animals in a pagan soul
Vishnu and Gaia, Aztec and Maya
Dance around my totem pole
Totem pole...
I believe in what I see
I believe in what I hear
I believe that what I'm feeling
Changes how the world appears
Angels and demons dancing in my head
Lunatics and monsters underneath my bed
Media messiahs preying on my fears
Pop culture prophets playing in my ears
I've got celestial mechanics
To synchronize my stars
Seasonal migrations, daily variations
World of the unlikely and bizarre
I've got idols and icons, unspoken holy vows
Thoughts to keep well-hidden
Sacred and forbidden
Free to browse among the holy cows
That's why I believe
Angels and demons inside of me
Saviors and Satans all around me
Sweet chariot, swing low, coming for me
Thursday, October 09, 2008
Resist
"Resist" - Rush
I can learn to resist
Anything but temptation
I can learn to coexist
With anything but pain
I can learn to compromise
Anything but my desires
I can learn to get along
With all the things I can't explain
I can learn to resist
Anything but frustration
I can learn to persist
With anything but aiming low
I can learn to close my eyes
To anything but injustice
I can learn to get along
With all the things I don't know
You can surrender
Without a prayer
But never really pray
Pray without surrender
You can fight
Without ever winning
But never ever win
Without a fight
I can learn to resist
Anything but temptation
I can learn to coexist
With anything but pain
I can learn to compromise
Anything but my desires
I can learn to get along
With all the things I can't explain
Wednesday, October 08, 2008
Next Trip
I've wanted to hit the North East for a long time. I've hit all the major parts of the country at one point or another and I've been to most of the continental United States. But I have not yet been to the North East past Rhode Island. Primarily I want to hit Maine and Vermont and I think doing it now, like within a couple of days, is starting to make the most sense for me. Mostly because of weather considerations (not too cold yet and the leaves changing).
So I'm pretty close to tossing some stuff in the Jeep and heading out for another week or so. No plan. No real destination other than the nebulous North East.
Anyway want to watch Mimic for me when I go?
So I'm pretty close to tossing some stuff in the Jeep and heading out for another week or so. No plan. No real destination other than the nebulous North East.
Anyway want to watch Mimic for me when I go?
'Know What We Are Doing'
During the primaries, I was all kinds of second guessing the Obama campaigns methods and such. Then I came across a quote from an Obama staffer that said something along the lines of 'Trust us. We know what we are doing.' Turns out, they did know what they were doing indeed.
I haven't forgotten that. So when I came across this picture I thought it was absolutely perfect to express that confidence:
Trust them. They have it under control.
I haven't forgotten that. So when I came across this picture I thought it was absolutely perfect to express that confidence:
Trust them. They have it under control.
Tuesday, October 07, 2008
Monday, October 06, 2008
Last night
Saturday, October 04, 2008
No Wind
Friday, October 03, 2008
Fruity Drinks
I must stay with more hard drinks when I drink hard liquor. Fruity and/or sweet drinks don't cut it. And bike rides. Bike rides and drinking do not sit with me.
Boat Drinks!
Back Online!
So the outlets in the boat apparently do not run on the house batteries, only shore power. My phone crapped out Tuesday evening. We are currently docked at Solomons Island until tomorrow morning. Late wednesday afternoon and through thursday was some crazy weather. Winds gusting up to 27 knots (alomst gale force). Awesome.
Rest of the trip should be mild and relaxed. More later.
Rest of the trip should be mild and relaxed. More later.
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