National Deficit, Taxes and You!

I'm not an economist and my understanding of macro- and micro-economics is slim to none. However, I wanted to point out something about deficit spending and taxes that you may not know (assuming this is right, of course, which it may not be.)

Deficit spending my the government (you know, the national debt) is one of those things that is a really big number but it is in that macro-economics realm where it is hard to give a shit about. I mean, how does the national debt affect you, right? Well, through ways that are complicated as crap, the higher the debt the higher the interest rates. Interest rates affect what you pay for your car, your house, your credit cards, etc. So a higher deficit means you end up forking out more for those items than you would with a lower national deficit.

Ok, so now taxes. Taxes affect your income directly so the cause/effect relationship there is clear. Lower taxes = more money you take home. Good times.

However, think about this. Your debt is probably higher than your income as far as total numbers go. Meaning, if you own a house, a car, run a credit card balance, have other loans, etc the total amount of all that probably exceeds the total amount you make in any given year from your paycheck, right? Let's put numbers on it to illustrate the point. Say your total debt is $400,000 (house, car, etc) and your yearly income is $75,000/year. Your tax rate is, oh, 18% or so and the combined interest rate you are paying for all that debt is somewhere around 7%. That means $13,500 of your salary a year is going into the void while $28,000 of your hard earned money is going into the void paying off your debt. So already the interest burden on your debt affect you more than the tax burden on your paycheck, even though it isn't as obvious.

Ok, so now say, because of the national debt, your combined interest rate for all that crazy goes up to 8%. However, the nice people in congress cut your taxes and now you only pay 15%. Alright! More money, right! Depends on what your definition of 'more' is. Now you are paying $11,250 in taxes but $32,000 in interest on your debt. So yea, you get the obvious $2250 increase in your paycheck but you end up forking out $4000 more in interest. So you actually end up loosing $1750. Damn politicians!

I say all that to say this. While tax cuts are fine and good, it is just pandering. It is an easy thing to explain to people that 'we are going to give you your money back' because it seems obvious. In reality, there is more going on. Those tax cuts tie directly into increasing the national debt which in turns increases your interest rates which in turn probably actually costs you more money than if the tax rate was maintained (or even raised some) and the deficit payed down.

Of course, there is a LOT more going on than just this but it is something to take into consideration when people fixate on just lower taxes. It isn't that clear cut.

Sailing - ASA 104

So I finished the last course I'm taking this year. I'm now certified for 30' to 50' boats in coastal waters (within 3 miles of the coast). Now if I can actually convince a chartering agency to let me out, that'll be the real test.

Anyway, some observations over the weekend:

1) A 36' boat does not stop quickly and is really intimidating under power. Under sail it is a lot more work than a smaller boat but things don't have to happen as fast.

2) This course was easily the most challenging thing I have done both mentally and physically in a long time. Sunday was both some of the most fun and most frustrating moments I've had. My instructor purposely was trying to get me overwhelmed and frustrated, and he did a very good job at it. There is a ton of crap to keep mindful of when skippering and lot coming at you at once. Its very easy to get confused and miss things, particularly when frustration sets in.

Apparently this is something instructors talk about amongst themselves. When the instructor is there, the student is torn between giving their own commands, trying to figure out the commands the instructor wants to hear, and trying to figure out what questions to ask. I know I kept feeling the first two in spades. I wanted to make my own calls and fail on my own, I learn faster that way. I was torn between that and trying to answer the question 'right', even though there isn't always a single way to do stuff. So the end result was just me getting angrier and more frustrated and throwing my hands up a couple of times.

In the end, though, it was a very good experience and I learned a lot.

3) Driving a little Jeep after driving a huge sail boat is very disconcerting.

4) 20 knot winds under full sail close hauled is awesome.

5) Even though there is more time to think through things on a bigger boat, it takes more people and a lot more elbow grease. Skippering is going to be interesting. I apologize now for anyone I get short with in the middle of a maneuver. It is going to happen. If something goes wrong (and it will, without a doubt) there isn't time for being polite, orders have to be barked out and followed to keep things from really going to shit. That was really driven into me over the weekend. Being on the receiving end sucks at first but once you understand why and that it isn't personal, it becomes fun. :)

An example, sheets or sails kept getting hung up on rigging and open hatches. I wouldn't notice and we would be half way through a tack or something and the next thing I know my instructor is barking out really short orders in a less than soothing way. The situation would be resolved and we could finish the maneuver. I felt beat on but it was necessary to complete the maneuver without damaging anything. I think this is an example of being too hard on myself, now that I think about it.

6) One of the jarring differences between big boat sailing and small boat sailing is just how complicated some maneuvers can be. For example, a gybe on a small boat can be executed pretty quickly. In a big boat, there are a bunch of things that have to happen with the sails before the helmsman can even begin. Even thought he maneuver takes longer overall, there is so much going on that you need that extra time to address all, particularly with only two people. Three or more will be a fair bit easier and less hectic I think.

7) Life aboard a boat isn't bad. However, if you are tall like I am, you spend most of the time hunched over so you don't whack your head. Cooking wasn't too bad. It was easier than camping. I cooked all the meals as part of my training.

I think I'll end it there for now. I am really looking forward to skippering some charters with whomever wants to go. I have a good idea of what to do and how to do it but I need practice to solidify it all.

"Fiscal Conservative"

Here is a nice little cartoon for you to put how the last few administration's have faired in regards to the deficit:



It's funny how when you put an administration in power that doesn't believe in a strong federal government you end up with shitty results. Who could have possibly predicted that would happen?

Palin in Four Minutes

Everything you needed to know about Palin in 4 minutes.

Adding, the same people that were/are bitching about Obama's celebrity are now, apparently, purchasing Sarah Palin Dolls and Action Figures with no sense of irony at all.

Hahahahahahahahaha

Few things to laugh about.

First, for whatever reason, during the speech on the final night of the RNC convention there was both a blue and a green screen behind McCain. This, if you have been watching Colbert or reading this blog, has created a HUGE opportunity for mocking. And this is an awesome example of that. There will be much more coming, of that you can be certain.

Second, Tom Brady being out for the season. Bwhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!

Thank you. I'll be here all week.

Couple Questions

1) Can people act to help someone without something in return?
2) What is the fear that underlies vulnerability? Why are people afraid to show weakness before others, even close friends? What is that underlying fear?

Quotes I Now Understand

I like quotes, particularly the more profound ones. They offer little bits of wisdom very concisely. The thing about them is that, in my experience, you need to have some basis of experience to know what they are talking about. It is more like a concise way to sum up an experience rather than a way to warn or educate.

In any case, here are a few that I realized recently that I now understand where before I just thought I had an idea of what the quote was talking about or, in the case of the second one, was really puzzled about.

"Beauty often seduces us on the way to truth"
"It is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved before"
"BOAT means Bet On Another Thousand"
"The two happiest days of a boat owners life are the day the boat is purchased and the day the boat is sold"

Obama Writes Speeches!

Well I declare! Obama has been writing his major speeches. That's cool.

Unlike Palin, who speech was written a week ago for an unknown male pick:

Can voters this year be sure they learned something about the real Sarah Palin from her GOP vice presidential nomination acceptance speech last night, considering news that it was originally written by speechwriter Matthew Scully over a week ago for an unknown male nominee? The commissioned draft was subsequently customized by Palin and a team of McCain staffers in the 48 hours leading up to its presentation.

So, who is the real fighter here? Someone speaking his own words or someone speaking words that weren't even originally written for her?

Loosing an Argument

You know, there are some signs you can take from the phrases that people use that usually indicate when they aren't confident in their argument or feel like they are using. Two of them that I keep hearing from political shills, particularly McCain operatives recently when talking about Palin's foreign policy experience, are the phrase 'The fact is' and '[x amount of people] agree'.

When you keep repeating 'the fact is' all you are doing is trying to convince yourself. If it is a fact, it'll stand on its own. There isn't a need to identify it as such, particularly over and over.

The second phrase is more along the lines of trying to convince someone you are right by claiming lots of people agree with you so obviously it is right. Like 'millions of Americans believe the same things as Sarah Palin so her views can't be extremist.' Wow, color me convinced.

Anyway, just thought I'd throw those observations out there. And this isn't just in politics but in any conversation or debate really. Try it on your friends!

Fact Checking the RNC Convention

The AP still does its job from time to time. Here is a link to an article comparing parts of the speeches last night to, you know, reality.

UPDATE: Here is a ton more.

Creepy!

Yikes. If you are going to stare at your VP picks ass, at least do it when the cameras aren't on you.

Biden: Part Two

After some chatting with people and some reading, I think Biden is a better choice both long-term AND short-term than I thought before. Even though he has been in Congress forever, he commutes from his home in Deleware every night (or used to, not totally sure he still does since he remarried). In any case, his family and himself never got involved in the lobbyist culture of Washington which why he remains the poorest sentor on the Hill.

What does that give you? The ultimate outsider insider. That's great. Plus, he probably locks PA for Obama and puts into play Pennsaltuky.

While he is a hawk on the war he is a populist and that'll complement Obama nicely.

I'm liking it more and more. And he is going to rip apart whomever is McCain's VP pick in the debate. That'll be awesome.

Oh, one more thing. Deleware has a democratic governer so we won't loose that seat in the senate AND, and this one is nice, Dodd is next in line on the Senate Foreign Relations Committee after Biden. Dodd isn't the hawk Biden is.

Good times.

Biden

Biden is an awesome choice from a long term perspective. He has been around long enough to know DC inside and out and absolutely fills out the ticket regarding Obama's weaknesses. The interesting thing about the choice though is he doesn't do what the VP choice has done for the various tickets recently - bring some aspect of the voting public around. For example, Edwards being picked in 2004 was to help bring the blue collar southern working vote. Biden is from Delaware, that isn't exactly a huge electoral state.

I'm glad Obama picked based on long term considerations rather than short term ones.

Awesome.

Tax Plan Comparison

Ok, so I've been on a roll today with politics. That is what happens when it is a beautiful day outside and I don't feel like working.

Anyway, here is a nice article comparing the two plans. The following graph really does a good job of breaking this down so it can be digested.



Just want to point out a couple of things. First, the trickle down economics (or voodoo economics) of the 80's obviously do not work. The McCain camp's argument is the same as Reagan's in that if you provide more money for the rich, they will hire more people and create new jobs and that wealth will trickle down. Obviously that hasn't happened since the gap between the rich and poor has widened so much. When 60% of Americans make less than $66k a year, that's a pretty big gap.

Second, economic stimulus and getting people to spend money in America only works if the money you give back will be spent and will be done so in America. It does no good to tie it up in offshore investments or savings accounts, etc. The people most likely to spent real dollars back into the US economy are those at the lower end of the tax bracket. The people that don't have a lot of material wealth or who are living paycheck to paycheck. You give those people a break and more income, you will end up with more direct investment right back into the US economy since that money will be spent quickly.

In summary, cutting taxes for the lower brackets is likely to have a greater effect on the economy on a whole than cutting taxes for the upper brackets and expecting it to trickle down.

With all of that in mind, Obama's plan focuses more on the lower brackets where it will have a true and immediate effect where McCain's is mostly a kickback to the upper brackets with lip-service to the lower brackets. So when you hear the two candidates and their surrogates talk about tax plans and who is doing more to help out the middle class, just remember this chart.

McCain's Housing Thing is Comic Gold

This gaffe about not knowing how many houses you own is just gold. Love this:



I mean really, can you have any better of an example of who the elitist really is in the campaign? Obama is hitting this hard and fast. It is a beautiful thing.

Combine this with his remark defining the rich as making 5 million or more...what a gift.

Uncertainty Update

Probably should update you all on where I am since my Uncertainty post from earlier this week. I am no longer uncertain. While it isn't the result I was hoping for (or expecting, really) that I at least know where I stand and no where I'm going has really helped out.

Onward.

Get Out Of Jail Free

Bwahahahahahaha

Uncertainty

I have entered a period of uncertainty that I'm not really enjoying. In the past, I haven't minded living in the grey area, as long as I had some idea of a direction to go in. Now, I'm in this grey area with no real idea of which way to go. There are things I want to say and want to do but I hesitate and don't do it. False starts or no starts at all have tormented me all day today.

The past is coming back to haunt me in a way that it never has before. How do you argue with your own past? Is it always a predictor of the future? Can someone over come their past?

I hate this. I hate knowing how things could be but having no way to alter them from the way they are, even when I understand and respect why they are that way.

At the end of the day though, this'll all pass and come to a resolution in one way or another and ultimately I'll be better for it. It is just that right now, not having a direction or even knowing where I'm at, kinda sucks.

There, now I feel better. :)

UPDATE: Something just occured to me. I'm starting to embrace the situation and, as a result, am starting to become comfortable with it. This is good. I'll just keep moving along as I have been and let it go where it goes. Yay for direction.

Heresy! Blasphemy!

Bring out the pitch forks! As if moving from real corks wasn't bad enough...

Presidential Contest Compared to Rocky II

This video is pretty funny. Compares the upcoming conventions to Rocky II. Check out McCain's mohawk.

Awesome House Value Tool

Zillow is a tool that lets you check out the prices of houses that sold in an area and estimates what your price may be. According to it, if I sold right now I'd break about even.

Something to think about.

Adventures in Boating -- Part II

The boat is toast.

Here is what happened. I took Friday afternoon off and went back down to see if I could find someone to fix the fuel system. I did a lot of research during the week and had a better understanding of the fuel system. The first thing I did was yanked the fuel filter with the hope that it was dirty. The thing was clean as a whistle.

I walked up to the repair place and they gave me the number of a guy that works on outboards since they do not. I called him up and he came on over to check the engine out. I tried to fire it up and even before it turned over he was telling me to cut it. He said it sounded like I had no compression and it was a lot more than just a filter or dirty tank.

He asked me if I could pull the boat out of the water so he could check it out so I spent the next hour getting the thing out of the water with just a paddle and a deck pole. I was able to get a tow for the last part, which was great because otherwise I'd be fighting a pretty stiff wind.

We took the boat over to his shop and he did a compression test on the cylinders. Now, this is a big deal in outboard engines (any engine really) and each cylinder should have a compression around or over 100 psi and all be within 10% of each other. The first cylinders on both blocks had 0 psi. The second ones were around 67 or so and the third pair around 95. So yea, dead engine.

Seems that the shitty fuel blew out the compression in them, thus trashing the engine and putting me in the EXACT SAME PLACE I was before - a screwed engine that either needs to be rebuilt or replaced. Exact same damn place. Seriously. WTF?

So at this point I think I'm just walking away from the speed boat. My current thinking is to sell the two burned engines for parts and then donate the body to charity if they'll take it. I've put way too much money into another trashed engine and with my new interest in sailing I think I'm just going to try to move on for now.

Sucks, big time.

McCain's War Timeline

This PDF contains a single picture of a timeline that is pretty revealing.

"I'll See You At The Debates, Bitches"

I'm not a big fan of Paris Hilton and I've always thought her a waste of life, but this is really pretty funny.

Wealth Distribution Inequalities

Just an interesting here.

What I find most interesting about it is that, in 2006, earning over $350,000 puts you in the top 1% of earners in America while over $105,000 puts you in the top 5%. That means there is a buttload of people making well under that to round out the remaining 95%. What a huge discrepancy between wealth.

Best Unit Of Measure Ever

The Cubic Buttload

Huricane Bush

Awesome.

Not Even Close To Being Over

Well, the housing crunch apparently isn't even close to being over. Check out this for a nice description of the coming wave.

Adventures in Boating

Clyde and I went down to Lake Anna today with the general notion to attempt to put my boat in the water and try some wine at Lake Anna Vineyard. There were several details not worked out before hand such as:

1) Where my boat actually was.
2) The status of my boat.
3) Where the mechanic was located to whom I owed money.
4) Where I was going to keep the boat, assuming I could find it.
5) The tasteing hours at Lake Anna Vineyard.

In addition, we didn't even get started on the 2 hour drive down until about 2 o'clock. As you can see, this was a well planned operation.

I had in a call to the fella that had been taken care of things for me, let's call him W. He usually takes a few days to get back in touch with me so I wasn't too surprised that I didn't hear from him. So the first order of business was to figure out where the mechanic was located and visit him. The idea here was that 1) I owed him money 2) he may still have my boat and 3) he may have another number or a different way to contact W. All I knew about his location was from W that he was 'just down the road'. So we drove down the road near where W lived. Low and behold, shocker of shockers, no mechanic.

Failing to find the mechanic from the excellent directions, we decided that the gas station and *gasp* asking for directions was the next step. Then I recalled that W is part owner in the Lake Anna vineyard so plans were quickly changed to do a wine tasteing and see if we could locate him there. Turns out, they are closed on Mondays. All I have left to go on is my memory that it was called something like Hank's Engine Repair or some crap like that. I checked my phone and, look at that, I found the number to Larry's Boat and Motor Repair. I gave them a call and we were on our way.

Got to Larry's, which turns out to be a dude's house and he works out in the garage. Paid them for the work they did and asked if the boat was there. It was not and W had it. I thanked him and we headed out.

We hit a couple of marinas near Larry's because I wanted to see about storing my boat at a different location. Found one that had both field and water slips available, so I told the lady I'd be back if I could find my boat. She kinda looked at me weird but on we went.

The next stop was to just go to W's house. I managed to remember how to get there and I saw my boat sitting in his yard. Went up to the door and his daughter and son-in-law came out along with about 100 dogs. I asked when they expected W home and they said 6 ish. I didn't feel like waiting and she offered to call him at the office. I said to go ahead and call and let him know I was taking my boat and to give me a call later. We hooked the boat up and headed out.

We drove over to the marina that had the water slip available and I purchased slip #44. The boat was full of water because the plug was left in so we had to let it drain. That took a good 30 minutes or so. Once that was done I backed the boat into the water and tried to fire it up. To make a long story short, it took a jump pack (because the battery was dieing) and a long time but finally got the thing fired up. However, it wouldn't idle smoothly and would keep cutting out unless it was up around 3000 rpms (should idle under 1000). Decided to take it out anyway and pushed the bow around so it faced the water. I slammed the throttle out of neutral and then full open as fast as possible to keep the engine from cutting out and off we went. At full open the thing maybe went 15 mph. Obviously something was wrong.

We made it maybe 200 yards before the engine crapped out again. After dicking with it and not being able to get it in gear w/o cutting out we started to paddle back. I knew there was dirty fuel in the tank so I figured we just needed to get it to dock and I could contact their repair office the next day to have them clean the tank and fuel system out. It took us about 45 minutes or so to get the boat back and parked. I was able to get the engine in gear and drive it most of the way in.

So we docked the boat, tied it up, and headed home. So close but yet so far.

Ok vs Fine

When someone asks you 'how are you doing' and things aren't super peachy, do you answer with Ok or Fine?

One of the interesting things I've picked up about myself is the different situations I answer with either one or the other. It seems to me that when I'm less than 100% and I don't want to talk about it or try to hide it I'll say that I am fine. However, if I am less than 100% but don't mind people knowing about it or I'm not trying to suppress it I'll say ok. Actually, I think it is more that when I'm trying to convince myself I'm great I'll say fine, when I accept things aren't awesome I'll say ok.

I once heard that Fine stood for Fucked up, Insecure, Neurotic and Emotional. I think that really sums up the situations it is used more often than not.

The words we use and the contexts we use them in can tell a lot about your mood and the way you handle situations. I think it is really fascinating.

Post Lessons

So I returned last night, ASA certified to skipper up to 30' auxillary powered sail boats. The next step is a two-day bareboat course that certify up to 50' with inboard diesel engines. Hopefully I can take that in early September.

I learned a couple of things. First, I HAVE to get to the gym and build up some upper-body strength. Working on the deck to raise and lower the sails and dealing with the anchor kicked my ass. Second, while the basic skills for sailing a bigger boat are the same, things happen slower and take a lot more energy to do. There is also a lot more momentum to take into account when tacking and gybing so it took a little while to not over steer. Third, my ass is going to get seasick down below on rougher days. There are some pretty cool devices that apparently work very well to counter seasickness that I am going to start looking into. I will not let my old foe keep me from sailing. Forth, there aren't too many knots that you need to know but you do need to know them. I must practice.

My instructor was a up to 50 ton coast guard certified captain who was career Navy and spent most of his time on subs. He was great! I learned quite a bit from him and a lot of tricks.

All in all, it was a very good experience and I am anxious to charter this month sometime hopefully. Need to get some experience under by belt.

Sailing Lessons

I leave tonight for Shoansy (near Deltaville, VA if you want to see where) in order to take a three-day sailing course that will get me one course away from being certified to take 30-50 foot boats out as skipper. With these two courses I am taking this weekend (assuming I pass the tests, of course) I'll be certified up to 30' as Skipper so we can jump right into cruising with small groups this month, I hope. :)

In any case, I'll be out-of-touch until Monday night. It is my intention to be at Tavern.

Have a great weekend!

Handlebars

Video

I can ride my bike with no handlebars
No handlebars
No handlebars

I can ride my bike with no handlebars
No handlebars
No handlebars

Look at me, look at me
hands in the air like it's good to be
ALIVE
and I'm a famous rapper
even when the paths're all crookedy
I can show you how to do-si-do
I can show you how to scratch a record
I can take apart the remote control
And I can almost put it back together
I can tie a knot in a cherry stem
I can tell you about Leif Ericson
I know all the words to "De Colores"
And "I'm Proud to be an American"
Me and my friend saw a platypus
Me and my friend made a comic book
And guess how long it took
I can do anything that I want cuz, look:

I can keep rhythm with no metronome
No metronome
No metronome

And I can see your face on the telephone
On the telephone
On the telephone

Look at me
Look at me
Just called to say that it's good to be
ALIVE
In such a small world
I'm all curled up with a book to read
I can make money open up a thrift store
I can make a living off a magazine
I can design an engine
Sixty four miles to a gallon of gasoline
I can make new antibiotics
I can make computers survive aquatic conditions
I know how to run a business
I can make you wanna buy a product
Movers shakers and producers
Me and my friends understand the future
I see the strings that control the systems
I can do anything with no assistance
Cuz I can lead a nation with a microphone
With a microphone
With a microphone
And I can split the atoms of a molecule
Of a molecule
Of a molecule

Look at me
Look at me
Driving and I won't stop
And it feels so good to be
Alive and on top
My reach is global
My tower secure
My cause is noble
My power is pure
I can hand out a million vaccinations
Or let'em all die from exasperation
Have'em all healed from their lacerations
Have'em all killed by assassination
I can make anybody go to prison
Just because I don't like'em and
I can do anything with no permission
I have it all under my command
Because I can guide a missile by satellite
By satellite
By satellite
And I can hit a target through a telescope
Through a telescope
Through a telescope
And I can end the planet in a holocaust
In a holocaust
In a holocaust
In a holocaust
In a holocaust
In a holocaust

I can ride my bike with no handlebars
No handlebars
No handlebars

I can ride my bike with no handlebars
No handlebars
No handlebars

The Life and Death of a Cracker

Following up on my 'The Passion of the Cracker' post , PZ Myers has gone through with his threat. The actual event is towards the bottom of the post. Most of the post talks about the interesting history of the cracker and the yellow star the Nazis used in WWII, and about the various threats and such he received.

I admire Myers because he isn't afraid to go head first into this debate and stake out a very clear and controvsial position. I don't have that kind of balls and I'm not sure I would draw such a stark line as he has. I've often said that I admire people of faith when it stays a personal faith, I find that kind of dedication very cool indeed. However, I do agree a lot with Myers on how expecting others to share your beliefs about a cracker or whatever else is disrepecting another's belief.

It is a hard topic to find agreement on.

Finally, the forth comment in the close to 2500 comment thread is awesome. It states, simply: 'Well this is going to be epic.' 2500 comments and gaining, yea, that's a bit of an understandment.

What If...

So like, I have these 'what if' things popping around in my head from time to time so I figure I'll just post them when I think of them and see what (if anything) comes out of them.

What if the Germans had not sunk the Lusitania in May of 1915? Would the US still have entered the war on the side of the Entente Powers or the side of the Central Powers? Up until that event it could have gone either way.

That's something I always found really interesting.

The Passion Of The Cracker

This kind of stuff getting out in the open makes me happy. The more the public sees how petty some of these people can be the better, imho.

So why is church attendance starting to decline again? Maybe it is because of these people going on witch hunts over crackers. Seriously, crackers. Crackers. Wow.

Trust: The Abridged Edition

Two of the last few posts talked about an 'inner dialog' or 'inner belief' that I thought I'd explain a bit about. I wrot this on 04/03/08 as well as an abridged version of my long-ass trust post. It turned out to be more lectury and not really exposing much of myself. Since I did finally post that Trust post here is the explanation part of 'inner dialog' and 'inner belief' for you.

******************************************************************************

People have belief systems, it is part of the mental map you construct in your head in order to make sense of reality. These belief systems start forming when you are a wee baby and continue to develop until you die. Not to put too fine a point on it but you basically spend your entire life making sense of everything through the prism of this mental map.

With that in mind, you can develop some beliefs when you are younger that, at the time, were necessary for survival. As you age these systems can not only become antiquated and bothersome but totally counter-productive or even harmful. Most, actually probably all, of therapy is spent trying to figure out what your belief systems are and then changing them to something that is more in line with what is actually happening.

Finally, before I actually get to my point, these belief systems happen mostly at a subconcious level and can be summed up in really short sentences. For example, "I'm not good enough" or "I don't deserve [whatever]" are examples of destructive belief systems that probably happened through tramua in early life.

Follow me?

Trust: A Semi-Focused Stream of Conciousness

I originally wrote this on 04/03/08 but didn't post it. It is ironic because I talk about not posting it in the text below. I post it now because, three months later, I think I finally figured out what it was I couldn't but my finger on that I babble about in the middle. I also post it because I am in a different place now.

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I just returned home from a movie get together where we watched Bubba Ho-Tep and Team America, two very funny - if very different - movies. I left halfway through Team America with the intention to return home to finish pushing some patches I worked on earlier in the day. However, I decided to write this - what'll probably be a rather long - post instead.

I tend to have a variety of post subjects floating around in my head that I want to write about for a number of different reasons. Some I think will just be plain entertaining. Others are about things I don't want to forget. And others, like this and the previous one, are to help me figure things out. I expect this to be a more focused version of that 'stream of conciousness' post from a year or so ago. Onward.

Over the past something like 10 years or so I've been on a journey internally. This journey has taken me down many different paths exploring different themes but all with the goal of becoming comfortable with myself. Those of you who have met me within the last 8 months or so or have knew before but also have had time to have more intense conversations with me recently know that I don't shy away about talking about many things about myself. However, as brutally open as I may be about some things there has always been a part that I haven't talked about. I'm not really going to go into that too much but I'm going to touch on it.

Most recently the path I have traveled has been a familiar one in that I have been working with a therapist I have been seeing for about 6 years with a few years off in the middle. He knows my history very well and I am comfortable with him. Recently (read: within the last 3 weeks) we have started to work on that stuff that I don't talk about much. We've really started to push into it the root causes of that little ball of...what, shame? I don't know, but whatever it is we have started to get to the heart of it.

See, you see what is going on here? I'm avoiding it. What is up with that? It's amazing how the mind works sometimes. Ok, so check it out. It all comes down to my ability (or inability, really) to trust people. Not trust like 'I trust you not to give up a secret I tell you' trust, because that's easy. No, I mean trust like 'I totally, unquestioningly trust you with my life' sort of trust. That kinda thing. It's a big deal, and I didn't really realize how much it plays into my relationships until recently. I know, it seems obvious on the surface, but there it is.

Seriously, I always knew I had a trust issue but I always thought it was in relation to a specific person and for good reasons. What I didn't realize, and what is really becoming clear to me, is that that trust issue existed before that time in my life and has affected everything since.

Where did it come from? This is what we have been working on some. My parents divorced when I was in my early teens. I always thought it didn't affect me that much because I was in my teens where it did affect my brother. What a load of crap. Of course it affected me. However, as far as I'm concerned my parents did right by me in how they went about it and I really appreciate that. They could have been perfect and there would be other issues to deal with, so in no way is this on them. I want that to be clear (call me if you want to talk about this).

So they divorced and to me the two most central people in my life seperated. Internally, at a subconcious level, I am beginging the process of understanding that that event made me start to have trust issues. Think about it. I grow up in a family that goes out and does stuff and I trust that that will always be (no matter how much mis-guided that belief is), right? That trust ends when they separate...ok, maybe not ends but at least is shaken.

That's where it starts. That alone didn't make the problem what it is but that did create a wound for me to deal with. So I got this wound I'm carrying around and the 'once bit, twice shy' saying comes into play. Onward.

My first relationship started in my late teens with someone I had known for a while (lived on my street, parents were friends, etc). I totally poured my soul into this relationship and let her in VERY close. It went on for a few years or so and ended abruptely one winter's afternoon. I found out the hard way that someone else was involved. Well now, talk about tearing that trust wound open wide. Any chance it had at healing was well gone after that.

This relationship goes on for a long time (some 14 years) off and on. Over and over I begin to trust and over and over something happens to betray that trust. I don't want to cast blame in one direction here. I absolutely had my part in all this. Regardless of that the end result was that that trust issue just kept being clobbered. Inside I started a belief that says 'Everytime I let someone get close they will hurt me.'. So I stick up a wall.

It's about this part where I'm not sure where things go. For example, while that wall makes it very hard for me to get past a certain part of intimacy, I have no problem talking about some pretty serious and personal stuff with people I trust. That's why I feel like there is something here that I don't get. When I think about those people that I can have those sorts of conversations about and then I think about some stuff that I have a really hard time talking about, I absolutely can't see myself talking about it because of that belief that if 'I let someone in too close they will hurt me.' Hell, I even feel like not posting this now or writing a disclaimer or some shit on top.

Let me give you some more examples. I saw this demonstration of a technique called EMDR that helps you identify emotions that are disassociated from your internal timeline and reassociate them (more to it than that, but that's enough for now). It is a very powerful technique and the results are pretty compelling (I went through it in 1999 or there abouts). Anyway, one of the things I was supposed to do before going to this demo was to come up with a couple of issues that were not super traumatic but did have some charge to them (a 5 or 6 on a 1-10 scale). I picked two that I initially thought were not related. The first was my boat engine melting and the second was Misfit dieing. Not related, right?

Ok, follow this. The more I thought about them during this demonstration the more I realized that not only are they related but they both come down to fucking my ability to trust! How screwed up is that? The boat because I had always done all the work myself and the first time I take it to a shop the engine melts and is ruined. The cat because the vet said we probably didn't need to do anymore testing and he was probably just a food issue and three days later the cat dies from kidney failure. Do you see how these two things just reinforce my issue with trust?

So that's it. That is where I'm at. I'm not sure what the answer is or how to repair it, but I'm sure as I'm sitting here that this is my root issue. It's the thing that I struggle with more than anything. After 10 years I finally have a finger on it. Now I just need to figure out what to do about it.

Some Stuff to Ponder

Is there a difference/distinction between structured thought and logical thought?

See, something Mere wrote in response to my post floundering around about the paradoxes of being a perfectionist and such a few weeks ago got me to thinking. She said something along the lines of 'Those of us with structured thinking tend to try to live in the moment to balance it out'. And I was thinking, 'I wonder if people naturally tend towards balance unconsciously.'. The more I think about it, the more I think that is true. Whether or not that balance is healthy or not is a different story, but I think people tend to balance themselves out.

For example, how many geniuses do you know/heard of that didn't have some crazy other stuff going on. Edison slept in the closet. Einstein wasn't exactly a social dynamo. There are plenty of amazing technical people that have the social skills of a ping-pong ball that has been stepped on and tossed into a fire. Similarly, a lot of actors/actresses and other pretty faces aren't exactly mental giants.

Another example, myself. I have very structured thinking (although I would argue it isn't necessarily logical) and analytical. However, my house is anything but structured. Well, that isn't entirely true. It is messy but actually pretty organized, oddly enough. Like organized chaos, but chaos none-the-less. Have you ever seen me not wear a shirt that had wrinkles in it? Wouldn't a structured mind live a structured existence? That is what I would assume, but that isn't the case. I would argue it is a way for me to seek balance. Similarly, I have known people that were very structured externally (neat houses, impeccable clothing) but anything but internally.

Granted, broad strokes like this don't fit everyone. I had a nice conversation with my boss about this a couple of days ago. Ultimately what we decided was that people do subconsciously seek balance, but only in relation to themselves.

Anyway, just some stuff to ponder.

On Being Single and Good Therapy

Mel and I broke it off three weeks ago today. The reason for the break-up were clear although the timing of it surprised me. However, if there was a reason why it wasn't going to work between us, that was about it. In any case, I've struggled with what led to it for a while and probably will for the foreseeable future. Like a lot of healing, it takes time and there are set backs. I have no resentment nor any regrets and I enjoyed, greatly, my time with Mel. I certainly hope to at least have a long and rewarding friendship with her in the future when she is ready.

So here are some questions for you. Is it fair to ask someone whom wants or needs a certain level of whatever to wait while you try to figure your way through or heal or whatever? I think the answer to that isn't obvious. She was saintly patient with me but we just had different perspectives on how things were moving along. Was it fair to ask her to wait? Yea, in the beginning it was. But it went on for too long. Ultimately, it was unfair to her and to me both.

In the end, I'm single again and back to where I was about this time last year. Not looking hard but open. Just seeing where life takes me.

I had a very very good conversation with my shrink today. Sometimes the sessions only lightly touch on the hard stuff and serve as a way to just blow of some steam and center myself. Other days, like today, it really gets down into the heart of darkness and probes those things that are root issues. These are hard days, but very rewarding. Today was one of the best. You see, I've been struggling with physical intimacy between myself and others. You may not have noticed, but I don't exactly engage when the conversation turns to more physical things and I rarely talk about what I like/don't like. It isn't because I'm into this off-the-reservation fringe stuff. It is because of some events in my past that led me to believing an inner dialog that says there should be a lot of secrecy around sex. And when I say in my past, I mean like pre-teen past. That was the root event that we managed to get down to today and _it_ _was_ _powerful_. Just finally putting my finger on it and that inner dialog was HUGE. My writing this post is a testament to just how transitional it is for me. That inner dialog, that little voice, has colored my relationships from the time it happened throughout my entire life. It is in no small part why my first serious relationship didn't happen until my late teens, why I don't make moves towards that end, why I stay out of the sex conversations, etc. One little damn incident. Fucking amazing.

Am I healed? Hell no. Am I way better now than I was this morning, hell yes. There is a lot of work to do yet but finally understanding that one thing, that wound that started it all, helps me put structure around something I've been struggling with almost my entire life.

How does that change me from now on? I have my suspicions. I guess I'll have to see how it all plays out.

Game on.

Patriotosim vs Nationalism

Is there a difference between patriotism and nationalism?

According to dictionary.com:

Patriotism
Pa"tri*ot*ism\, n. [Cf. F. patriotisme.] Love of country; devotion to the welfare of one's country; the virtues and actions of a patriot; the passion which inspires one to serve one's country. --Berkley.

Nationalism
na·tion·al·ism Audio Help /ˈnæʃənlˌɪzəm, ˈnæʃnəˌlɪz-/ Pronunciation Key - Show Spelled Pronunciation[nash-uh-nl-iz-uhm, nash-nuh-liz-] Pronunciation Key - Show IPA Pronunciation
–noun 1. national spirit or aspirations.
2. devotion and loyalty to one's own nation; patriotism.
3. excessive patriotism; chauvinism.
4. the desire for national advancement or independence.
5. the policy or doctrine of asserting the interests of one's own nation, viewed as separate from the interests of other nations or the common interests of all nations.
6. an idiom or trait peculiar to a nation.
7. a movement, as in the arts, based upon the folk idioms, history, aspirations, etc., of a nation.

The #2 definition in nationalism is interesting because it refers to patriotism while #3 talks about an excessive patriotism.

Anyway, I believe they are different. I often joke when someone wears a flag pin or a flag on their car or whatever that they are obviously true patriots because they are flying the flag. I also have a red shirt that happens to have a flag sewn into the collar that I call my 'Gay Hating, Bible Beating, Beer Loving, Gun Toting Patriot Shirt' that I wear to special occasions (or when it is the only clean shirt left).

See, I believe that there is a certain strain of what people call patriotism that runs through this country that is actually nationalism in its ugly form. The type that says 'America can do no wrong' and if you dare raise a question or dissent in anyway you are labeled a traitor. It was used as a club during the 2002 and 2004 elections and is still used to demonize people that question our policies on torture and wireless wiretapping, etc. And it is all simplistic bullshit. Wearing a flag pin and yelling 'America is great and the French suck' isn't being a patriot, that is being a 5 year old.

One of the descriptions of the difference between patriotism and nationalism that I like is that nationalism is country above all, no matter what. Patriotism is the love and defense of the values the idea of a country hold above all. So when you start to piss all over the Constitution if you aren't questioning it you are a traitor.

So yea, in my view there is a stark difference between the two. Unquestioning loyalty or informed dissent. I'll take the latter, thank you very much.

McCain: Feel the Excitement

A picture is worth a thousand words, and all that.

The Most Interesting Man In The World

From the Dos Equis commercial The Most Interesting Man In The World:

The police stop to question him on a regular basis just because they find him interesting.
His beard alone has experienced more than a regular man's entire body.
His blood smells like calogne.
His charm is so contagious scientists had to develop a vaccine for it.
Long ago, he built a city out of blocks. Today, over 6,000,000 people live and work there.
He is the only man to ever ace a Rorschach test.
Whenever he goes swimming, dolphins appear.
Alien abductors have asked him to probe them.
If he were to give you directions, you'd never get lost and you would arrive 5 minues early.
His legend preceeds him the way lightning preceeds thunder.

I love the one about the Rorschach test.

More Walken Please

Ahem.

Classic.

Fat Guy Stuck In The Internet

I saw this late Monday night or something.

Good stuff.

Where The Hell Is Matt

I needed to go to bed early tonight because I have a meeting in the morning tomorrow and I want to leave early to (hopefully) pick up my boat in the evening. So, like I normally do when I need to get up early for reasons other than my own I had a little miny rebellion and, well, it is 1:15 am and I am still up.

Part of my little rebellion was to go to www.break.com and look at videos that make me laugh. They have a lot of garbage on that site but occasionally I come across some good stuff.

Well, I came across one that led me to this website. The video, called 'Dancing 2008', to me is actually kinda inspiring. A little bitter about the very end of it but not enough to loose it's inspirational feel.

I figured I'd lay some inspiration on you all. The About Matt page on that website is pretty funny too.

Now I'm going to go to bed.

Maybe.

How Is Any Of This Demeaning

So two things happened recently in the world o' politics regarding McCain and his vaunted military record. The first was General Wesley Clark saying "Well, I don't think riding in a fighter plane and getting shot down is a qualification to be president." McCain has been using his time as POW as a justification that he has great foreign relations experience, etc so questioning how being a POW translates into such experience is a perfectly fair question. So how is this 'swift boating' John McCain? And what is up with the all the hysteria over this? Isn't this a question the damn press should have been asking?

The second thing that happened, today, is a comment by Jim Webb, the freshman senator from good ol' Virginia who was the Secretary of something (Navy? Staff? don't recall) under Regean. Webb said that McCain should "calm down" on the use of his military service as justification for political goals. Naturally, people are flipping out about that as well.

So, have any of these comments been demeaning to McCain's service record aka the 'swift boating' of John Kerry? Or are these valid concerns and people are blowing it up because, well, I don't know why.

UPDATE: And this is why I Heart Obama.

"Pat All The Eggs"

Enjoy.

Tyson Homosexual

When modern technology fails.

Heller Gun Ban Decision

I wanted some time to see what the interpretations of the decision were going to play out like before I commented on it.

I'm not sure it is a bad decision nor do I think it is the end-all/be-all to gun control decisions. It seems that all it did two things:

1) Tossed out the entire 'militia' argument in the constitution all together and established an individual right to bear arms

2) Said total gun bans are unconstitutional at the FEDERAL level and reaffirmed the right to own a gun in the house or for hunting.

It did nothing to talk to how states want to enact gun control laws as long as it isn't a blanket restriction. From comments I've listened to and read over the past week since the decision came down it appears only a handful of gun bans are going to be affected. DC is already talking about pushing a new one through that enacts licensing and registration of guns and limiting ownership to the home for protection.

Another thing the law ruling doesn't do is talk to conceal and carry laws and the like.

So really I think, except for the 'militia' argument, this ruling doesn't do much of anything to end the debate on gun control. What it does do, politically, is it takes the gun control wedge issue off the table to beat Obama up with.

All in all I'm ok with it.

Movies Part Two

Funny, just as I finished writing the first movie post I came across this.

I've seen all of them.

Oy.

Movies!

Here are the movies I want to see that are out now. Who wants to see what with me?

1) WALL*E.
2) The Happening
3) Hancock (starts Wednesday)
4) The Love Guru
5) Get Smart

R

It's The Economy, Stupid

Since I've been on a McCain kick...how on earth can you not be aware of the gas price? I guess they haven't gotten the memo that people are more worried about their wallet than water camels and islamofascists. Seriously, how can you not only be not aware of something that has been all over the new and, even worse, not understand how it matters?

Wow.

UPDATE: Opps. The full quote shows that he was answering a question about what gas used to cost when he pumped it himself, so I suppose not the best example. The link last week about Obama vs McCain's answer about the biggest threat to the country is a better example.

Cindy McCain

A friend sent me this email and asked me for my take on it. Here is my response, if anyone cares to know more about Cindy:

While that stuff is true on the face of it, there is always another side.

For example, the drug addiction. The only reason they came out publicly with it was because of an impending story exposing it was about to be published (http://www.salon.com/news/feature/1999/10/18/drugs/print.html). As a result, the charity was shut down and a doctor's license was revoked. Cindy had a slap on the wrist.

Yea, she contributes to charities, as does her husband. The funny thing here is the one they mostly contribute to is the one that funds the private school her children attend (http://harpers.org/archive/2008/05/hbc-90003001).

There is an arguement that one of the reasons John McCain dropped his first wife in favor of Cindy was due to her fortune so that he could run for Congress. In fact, she did help him with his original bid and is involved in something called the Keating Five which is long and complicated but may get some air eventually (http://www.politicalbase.com/profile/Mark%20Nickolas/blog/&blogId=2084).

And to top it all off, the recipes that she has put out turned out to be copied from Food Network (http://www.huffingtonpost.com/david-weiner/mccain-family-recipes-lif_b_96666.html).

There is some other stuff but that is a good start. It all comes down to how you like to spin the truth.

R

Boat News!

My boat was out on the water today!

The engines have been switched and they are trying to run out some nasty 16-month old gas and clean up the carburators from the crappy gas. After that, there is an alarm that needs to be fixed and that should do it.

It looks pretty nasty so it'll need to be cleaned up (oy). There are also some other repair things I want to have done at some point this summer (one of the seat braces is broken, etc) but the end result is I should have the boat for the 4th and after!

Left Buttcheek

What on earth could I have done to make my left buttcheeck hurt so much? Whenever I walk it hurts, sitting down kinda sucks. It feels like a sore muscle but I don't recall doing anything to excerise my left buttcheek, or either cheek.

What gives?

This Is Stupid

More perspective please. This is stupid. There are something like 2 people on death row for child rape and none have been executed in over 45 years for the crime (assuming I recall the stat correctly). It is a horrible crime but bitching and moaning because the court struck down the death penalty for a non-death crime is silly. Get over it. People obviously haven't been given that penalty too often for it so how exactly does this really affect things?

How about focusing this 'outrage' on more important matters?

Fear Mongering Fuck Tard

How is this not an example of McCain just being a third term of Bush?

I'm telling you, once they start breeding aquacamels you better watch out. The invasion will be coming.

"I Am Aware Of All Internet Traditions" Part 2

Just came across this.

It is gaining power.

Good times.

What Do You Do When Everything Changes

What do you do when the things that were constant in your life cease to be? Do you loose your anchor and drift into the anarchy? Or do you latch on to something else to keep you centered? Or do you just go with the tide and see where you end up?

I'm not sure what I do. I think it is a mix of the second and third items. I tend to latch on to whatever is there at first and then slowly just let go and end up wherever it is I end up.

I always thought the chinese curse of 'May you live in interesting times' was a good one.

Strong Women

This post has been brewing for a while. Do I, or don't I, have trouble with 'strong women'? I put it in '' because I think part of the issue here is what the hell do people mean by 'strong women'? It is right up there with hippy, high maintenance and even bitch to some degree (see below) as far as things that people think they know what it means but that definition is WIDELY different for each person. This may ruffle some feathers but only because I think it is a very sensitive subject. I truely struggle with this so feedback is a good thing.

Do I have problems with strong women? Well, that all depends on what you mean by a strong woman. I don't believe I do. In fact, as I think about the women I am friends with I would consider each and every one of them a strong woman. They stand up for themselves and voice their opinions as strongly if not stronger than a lot of the guys I know. I've had probably more spirited and enlightening conversations with them as a whole than with the fellas.

So why, then, do I get this 'problem with strong women' criticism thrown at me from time to time by different people? I don't get it. So I brought this up in a conversation with some friends last week to get some feedback.

Here is the deal from my perspective. It all comes down to the 'bitch' term. The HRC candidacy really highlights this. How can a woman be strong and not be considered a bitch? Or, more importantly, why is it that when a woman is forceful or very vocal (particularly in the workplace) she is labeled a bitch while if a guy does it he is just motivated or whatever? Good questions, for sure. I can only speak for myself here but when I call a woman a 'bitch' or, more likely, the 'devil incarnate' it isn't because she is strong so much as she is being rude as hell. When guys do the same thing I can them assholes or other such lovely things. What really gets me is when I get slammed for perceived offenses or the attitude that I owe them something, that drives me nuts in anyone, not just women. So I think, for me, with men and women, there is a line between being forceful, vocal and spirited and being a total rude shit and when that gets crossed I call people on it (even if it isn't to their face - I hate direct confrontation ;) ). So if that translates into a problem with 'strong women' then fine. But I think that it really translates more into a problem with rude assholes than any inherent issues with people that stand up for themselves.

Am I full of shit here?

Things I Am Learning About Me

It is funny that as time moves forward I learn more about me. Maybe I keep changing and am learning about new things. Or maybe I'm just beginning to understand deeper levels of stuff that I wasn't willing or able to see/accept before. Who knows, who cares. The point is, stuff is bubbling up for me to be aware of so this post is about those things. It will be somewhat of a rambling/novel/stream of conscious thing while I try to work through some of this.

I am a perfectionist. Can you believe it? Maybe you can, but I'm having a hard time admitting to it. Perfectionists, to me, have always been really picky and had to have everything just-so explempified by clean houses and perfect dress. The last two bits there sure as hell aren't me, so I never could see the other parts that are true. I like to go with the flow and let how things fall out dictate my response, that too doesn't sound too perfectionist to me either - at least to what I thought perfectionism was. As I have learned more, my perspective or understanding of what it means to be a perfectionist has changed/broadened. Like anything else, it isn't as simple as just slapping a label on something. While I definitely have perfectionist tendencies, I am not ruled by it (usually). But it seems totally at odds with how I like (or think I like) to live my life. How can I be content to determine what I want to do by letting events fall out and still be picky about what I want to do? It seems like a paradox to me but it works. However, it certainly gets in the way as well. Fear of failure or, more, criticism plays large in my life. Sometimes I think I come across as a know-it-all or someone with an opinion on everything. With work I can get caught up in one little stupid detail that just isn't that important, although I'm getting much better at balancing this aspect of it. Finally, in matters of love, this tendency tends to get me stuck in my head rather than my heart. Of course, there are up-sides. I tend to want to know alot about something before I jump into it, then when I'm ready I jump in head first. This has served me well in some places, just not in matter of the heart. More about that later.

I have learned that I am too much in my own head sometimes. This is something else that surprises me although I've heard it before. How can I just 'go with it' and let things happen but at the same time be too much in my head? I don't know. Maybe I can bounce between being stuck in my head and not depending on the situation? All I know is I love a good debate with people and learning new views, etc. I really dislike people that apply logic to every damn thing and aren't just willing to accept other points of view. Am I being a hypocrite now? Seriously, am I? I don't think I am but I honestly don't know.

Ultimately, I am a survivor. I always knew I was flexible as far as my decisions go (something else that flies in the face of perfectionism...or does it?). I'm willing to change my plans and thinking based on what events play out and I'm ok with it. When something happens that is out-of-the-blue, I am flexible enough to figure out a new path and adjust my thinking. Not to be cliche, but when life hands me lemons, I make lemonade. I always have and I think it is one of the things that really makes me who I am.

The survivor bit I just recently came to and I think it really fits, or at least fits for now. In my mind, it explains how I can have these different aspects that are seemingly at odds. And that fits something I've been saying for a long time: embrace your hypocrisy (or contradiction). We are full of them and it is what makes us so damn fascinating.

More Graphs!

All of these come from here:








Because I have been on an AC/DC kick lately:


AND



AND of course Big Balls:


Finally, a Monty Python reference:

Milkshakes and Yards

So I came across this graph a long time ago and didn't know where to find it. A post by Shana lately pointed me to the proper site. I find this one very funny for some reason:


more graph humor and song chart memes

Finally: Obama Talks Back Regarding 9/11

So, finally, a democrat with balls to push back against the 9/11 justification for everything mentality.

Well I refuse to be lectured on national security by people who are responsible for the most disastrous set of foreign policy decisions in the recent history of the United States. The other side likes to use 9/11 as a political bludgeon. Well, let’s talk about 9/11.

The people who were responsible for murdering 3,000 Americans on 9/11 have not been brought to justice. They are Osama bin Laden, al Qaeda and their sponsors – the Taliban. They were in Afghanistan. And yet George Bush and John McCain decided in 2002 that we should take our eye off of Afghanistan so that we could invade and occupy a country that had absolutely nothing to do with 9/11. The case for war in Iraq was so thin that George Bush and John McCain had to hype the threat of Saddam Hussein, and make false promises that we’d be greeted as liberators. They misled the American people, and took us into a misguided war.

Here are the results of their policy. Osama bin Laden and his top leadership – the people who murdered 3000 Americans – have a safe-haven in northwest Pakistan, where they operate with such freedom of action that they can still put out hate-filled audiotapes to the outside world. That’s the result of the Bush-McCain approach to the war on terrorism.

This is from a transcript of his speeh here.

Why haven't we had leaders doing this four years ago? Why did it take a presidential candidate with balls to finally start doing this?

Regardless of my frustration of why it took so long, it makes my heart all warm and fuzzy now that it is finally happening.

Go get'em!

"I Am Aware of All Internet Traditions"

This is a new meme in the political blogging circles that just creeped up about 45 minutes ago and is classic. I so want the t-shirt.

It came up in the comments here due to another meme called 'shorter (x)' which started here way back in 2003.

I am only posting this so when you all hear me make a reference to it you can laugh with me. :)

UPDATE: This is a better explanation of what happened.

American News Project

So there is this website of online video journalism that is pretty nice. I am totally behind this stuff as a counter to the corporate-owned media that is kinda screwing us. If this kinda thing puts pressure on the big boys to actually do their job, good deal.

Anyway, check it out and if you want an example, check out this piece of annoying crap in the senate hearings.

Dean and Obama's 50 State Strategy

I've talked about this before on this blog and have had conversations with others. A point that comes up a lot, and I totally agree with it, is without Dean in 2004 and as the head of the DNC for the last four years, Obama wouldn't be as successful today. Obama took Dean's 50 state strategy and turned it into a way to not only win the presidential nomination but to turn the entrenched way of doing things on its head. No one else embodied the entrenched interestes and traditional way of doing things in the Democratic party more than HRC.

Anyway, this is a pretty good and shortish summary of the coming together of the two strategies and what it means for the GE.

Rules for Radicals

Community organizer Saul Alinsky’s 1971 list of 13 Rules for Radicals:

1 ) Power is not only what you have but what the enemy thinks you have.

2 ) Never go outside the experience of your people. It may result in confusion, fear and retreat.

3 ) Wherever possible go outside the experience of the enemy. Here you want to cause confusion, fear and retreat.

4 ) Make the enemy live up to his/her own book of rules.

5 ) Ridicule is man’s most potent weapon.

6 ) A good tactic is one that your people enjoy.

7 ) A tactic that drags on too long becomes a drag.

8 ) Keep the pressure on, with different tactics and actions and utilize all events of the period for your purpose.

9 ) The threat is usually more terrifying than the thing itself.

10 ) The major premise for tactics is the development of operations that will maintain a constant pressure upon the opposition.

11 ) If you push a negative hard and deep enough it will break through into its counterside.

12 ) The price of a successful attack is a constructive alternative.

13 ) Pick the target, freeze it, personalize it and polarize it.

I was going to go through these, but I'm just going to let them speak for their own.

I will say this, however. Obama is doing quite a few of them.

Demo Destruction

How do you guarantee that a demo to a customer is going to go to shit? By introducing massive changes to the underlying framework the day before the demo. This place has that down to a science.

What others ways can you do it? By introducing major changes to the style sheets and then allowing your designed to take off at 5 pm.

And if that wasn't enough, another way you can screw your employees is to ask already stressed out people to provide a list of what you have done over the past month on the day before a demo. Good timing, that.

Oh, and now the mofo left. He fricken left. What the fuck is that? The guy running the show, the manager, the man with the plan, he who must approve everything, took off while we are waiting for database changes to verify that stuff works on the demo site where they are going to, you know, demo from.

I am so torn right now between wanting to say fuck it and leave to and my ethics, of which I have few but those I have get in the way sometime. I mean, here we are being pushed for weeks about how important this demo is and then the day before it half the people act like it is no big deal? Are you kidding me? I cleared my calendar to make sure this stuff was going to work the least I could get in return was a similiar effort.

I'm telling you, it's like they don't want to succeed. Maybe we are being tested and there is nice prize if we pass? Not that we can. The deck is stacked against us.

Man. Just, man.

Is There Anything Better

Than when a crushing headache finally starts to subside? It is like a new lease on life.

Finally

Obama isn't wasting any time knocking things into shape now that he is the nominee.

He has instructed the DNC to take no money from lobbiests and PACs (here).

And he slapped jackass Joe Lieberman around a bit. Oh to be a fly on the during that conversation.

Good start.

Not a Good Title

Lots of stuff in this article about what Obama has done and the ramifications it has moving forward in the general. The two major breakthroughs he talks about are:

1) the Obama campaign is the first mass multi-racial collaboration in the United States since the Southern Civil Rights movement.

2) a critical mass of progressive Americans are learning political discipline again

If you want to understand why this is no ordinary electoral movement and why I'm so worked up about it, that's a pretty good article. It is changing things, finally.

Holy Clean Cat Litter Batman

Why don't I have one of these yet?

Class Warfare and Moving Forward

From here:

I wrote, the other day, about my friend's father passing away. My friend is a 42 yr. old gay man who'd never told his father he was gay. His partner of nine years had never met my friend's father. Can you imagine what he's feeling right now? I can't. And I want nothing more than to live in a society were my friend and his partner are given the respect they deserve, and angry bigots are mocked and jeered as the Unclean; cast out with the people who look down on us because we don't make enough money, don't pray loudly enough, don't have genetics or genealogy on our side.

This struggle for a better America is what lies before us. This horrifically wrong headed, aggressively inhumane decade of kicking the "not cool kids" in the balls must end. And we, who call ourselves "progressive", need to focus on making that change. Today.

I did the highlighting. I think it is an important point and goes back to the identity politics that have made the past decade or two such a cluster fuck. Class warfare is very alive in this country and it needs to stop.

I was reading something somewhere and I came across something that really puts this McCain vs Obama thing into perspective. Actually, it puts the whole Repubs vs Democrats into perspective for the past few decades (particularly the last 8 years). The writer said something along the lines of 'McCain's handlers are whispering in McCain's ears to bring Obama does into the mud rather than rise up to Obama's level and run against him on the policies'. I think this is right on and shows the basic theory behind the 50+1% strategy that has been followed for so long. Smear your opponent and beat him because people think they "don't make enough money, don't pray loudly enough, don't have genetics or genealogy on our side". Identity politics at its worst. Political assassination. What Rove is awesome at. That shit is on it's way out and I can't wait for it to be gone.

What I would give for McCain to toss off his handlers and raise to Obama's level and run against him on the issues rather than trying to bring him down into the gutter.

Obama and the Hillary Faithful: A Question

I have a question for the ladies in particular and I need a perspective check here.

On the way in to work today I was listening to some pundits babel as they so often do. One of things they were talking about were the letters they have received since last night regarding the Hillary faithful and the question of voting for Obama or not. What came out of it was that a perspective that many of the women that are threatening to sit out the election was that they relate to Obama as someone in their own lives who was a younger flashy male that swept in and just pushed them aside.

So my question is this, as I know quite a few of you preferred Hillary over Obama: how personal was that decision and is it something you think people can move past by November?

Serial Sincerity

Their are serial exaggerators, serial liars, serial killers and what I like to refer to as serial sinceritors (how the heck do you spell that?). You all probably know what I mean, they work in most offices. They are the people that tell you they are going to do something or promise to do lunch or whatever and they absolutely 100% mean it when they say it, but it never (or rarely anyway) happens. Thus, serial sincerity.

That is all.

Correlation Does Not Equal Causation

This is one of my favorite things to keep in mind. It reminds that things can happen for reasons that seem apparent but are actually different in reality. I always have trouble coming up with a good example but yesterday I came across one.

I left work early yesterday and hit Tarara Vineyard with a friend. We did the super secret tasting and, really, they actually have very good wine. Not sure where the dislike comes from. But anyway, the point is we were talking to the pourer (who turned out to be the wife of the winemaker) about buttery Chardonnay which I absolutely hate. I call them popcorn butter. Somehow the conversation of oak vs stainless steel came up. Here is the correlation part. When tasting Chardonnays and one is buttery as hell, it always seems to be aged in oak. When tasting a Chardonnay I can stomach it is in stainless steel. So it seemed that the buttery flavor was in part due to the oak. Turns out, it's actually caused when they ferment the wine with the leaves and they normally only do that in oak. Stainless steel is used for a lighter wine so they don't ferment with the leaves. Ta da.

So there you go. The correlation was that the Chardonnay was fermented in oak therefore it had the buttery taste. Turns out the oak wasn't the cause thus the saying: Correlation does not equal causation.

My office hours are 3 pm to 3:05 pm every other Tuesday if there are any questions. ;)

Where I've Been

So I fell off the earth for a couple of weeks. Just to catch you all up, I was under the gun in a big way since about May 15th at work. I put in 117 hours over the last two weeks but that little phase is over. Now I have something like 50 personal emails to catch up on and such so if you emailed me and are still waiting, a response will be coming before long.

Thanks for the concern. :)

The Secret

Really, when it comes down to it, isn't the ultimate lesson really not only learning but truely embracing that you are ultimately responsible for everything that happens to you?

Untitled: The Reckoning

The boss boss came by and I have to give him credit for handling the situation well. He started by telling me he has been in my shoes before and have written similiar emails that I wrote to him over the weekend. We then got into the heart of the matter and talked about what was driving me nuts. I expressed that while he does a good job of describing the big picture he sucks at defining the short-term and intermediate goals. We talked about ways we could both communicate better and how to set and meet expectations better. In the end, it was very productive and really went a long way to difuse the situation.

Do I think it'll change all that much? Nah. But I have a better idea for what questions to ask and how to approach the situation and he has a better idea of what I need from him in order to do my job effectively.

Last Hope for Hillary

While I await my boss boss to show up and talk to me, I read this. Favorite two reasons:

-By the time a the Democratic National Convention only one delegate still supports Hillary Clinton. His name? Jesus.

-Hillary Clinton challenges Barack Obama to one last debate, where she tricks him into saying his name backwards, making him disappear into the fifth dimension in a puff of pixie dust.

Untitled

Blah, can't think of a witty title right now. Maybe one comes by the end of the post. Stream of conciousness in 3...2...1...

I'm at work. It's 7:49 and there is supposedly an 8 am meeting that I believe has now been pushed back to 9 and it seems that everyone but I know about it. There is no email about it, so I wonder how everyone found out. Just another example of the shitty communication in this place that is making me question staying. The benefits are good, the pay isn't bad, I have an office, most of the people are easy to work with and pretty cool on top of it...but the key management just SUCKS. I mean really sucks. In the past I've fought those battles at other companies but at this point with where I'm at I'm just not willing to do it again. There is a tipping point where on one side there are the benefits and the flexibility and on the other side there is the fricken crazy stress brought about by people in management positions that shouldn't be there that sooner or later is going to cause me to bail. I'm already at the point where I'm ok with it. It would cause some hardships and stress in the short term, which would suck since I'm finally close on having stuff put back together financially. In any case, this morning will be interesting.

Last week I tossed a lot of time and effort at stuff here to try to get something together for a demo that was supposed to happen Friday evening but was then pushed back to "8am" this morning, which is now magically, apparently, 9 am. To make a long story short because I'm tired of dealing with it I received some emails over the weekend from the boss boss that were very critical of what we have done and very disappointing. The reasons for the state of the projects are mainly do to shit management and I refuse to be left holding the bag on that guys fuck ups. We basically had two months to do the project, 6 weeks of which were wasted with him pulling the rug out from under us because he's too proud or clueless to actually tell us what he wants. We didn't get that information until May 15th. So in essence, we had 10 business days to make it happen. Well, no shit its missing half the features. What did you think would happen. I sent an email where my frustration bled through very clearly Sunday night. I just received a response requesting to sit down and talk about it. Stay tuned.

A New Song

by Swank Underwear: Can't Stop the Purring

Love it.

Two Masters

I worked at a company called Postal Innovations for several years. At that company I learned a lot about how NOT to manage a company. One of the things that used to drive me through the wall was different managers/owners would come to me and task me with something as a 'high priority' and then when I switched over to work on that another one would wonder why their 'high priority' wasn't being completed. I made the mistake that management actually communicated and had some grand plan instead of making shit up as they went along.

Where I work now we are starting to fall into a somewhat similar situation, although different. I have a boss on whose team I work and we get a long well. We both have a boss that is responsible for laying out the requirements for the projects my boss's team works on. So at least in this case rather than having multiple people coming to tell me what to do with equal priority we have one guy that calls the shots. Great, right?

Well, it should be. Except this guy doesn't talk to the engineers/architects that actually setup the systems that we need to work on. He has this abstract notion on the way this stuff should work but doesn't really have a good handle on it. As a result, we end up in these situations where we get direction from the main boss guy but then in talking to the architect/engineer people we get 'No, you can't do it that way, you have to do this'.

So, I'm at a position now where I don't talk to the engineer people if I can help it. I decided the only person that can make my life miserable is the main boss guy, not the engineers despite how correct they probably are. What needs to happen is that main boss guy needs to have it out with the engineer people and everyone to get on the same page. I'm not going to be a proxy for their war.

Wussified Nation

I had this long conversation today and something very interesting came up. Somehow we ended up on the topic of his marriage and how a large percentages of marriages fail. He started to talk about how his marriage works because his wife has taken on the traditional role of the wife and his to some degree subservient to him. Subservient in that if he puts his foot down she'll abide by it. That isn't to say she just stays home and cranks out kids. She is basically an executive at a Fortune 500 company and brings in a good chunk of change. I joked and said 'But you still expect her to have dinner ready when you get home?' and he said 'Basically.'.

From there he started to talk about how one of the reasons our nation is going in the shitter is because we don't have these traditional roles anymore and men are being wussified. He points to African tribes that still have this sort of structure but his favorite example is the lion. The lion sits underneath the tree all day licking his balls and sends his women out to go find some food. All he does is provides security and knocks them up. So, the argument goes, because we as a society stress behaviors that are counter to this basic instinct we end up with some really messed up results.

Ok. My counter-argument is that while we may have evolved with these sorts of instincts from a survival perspective they really aren't necessary anymore in a modern society. I don't need to sit at home with a gun in my hand and protect my kingdom while my women go out and provide for me. I don't need to climb the trees to get the fruit or hunt down a boar to feed my family. Those hunting/protection instincts just aren't as necessary. I'm not saying they aren't there, I'm just saying that they aren't key for survival anymore.

However, back to the main point about a man and a woman. His basic point here is that when society goes counter to these basic instincts you end up with broken marriages. I argue that it is society that creates these bullshit roles and pushes people into them. Would men really feel like they need to be your never crying, no emotion 'John Wayne' types if it they weren't brought up that way? You keep repressing that crap and it is going to come out sideways, regardless of what your basic human instinct is and how in tune that image is with it.

No, successful relationships are the product of good communication and a willingness to compromise. Because his relationship works does not mean that same pattern will work for everyone. They found a balance that works for them and more power to them. But to argue that their balance works because it is based on this basic human instinct is rationalizing I think.

What say you?

UPDATE: So really, the question that I'm always curious about is this: how much is the result of human instinct and how much is the result of cultural influences?

Lousy Downers

I stayed home sick today. I believe its the nasty nasty allergy thing I get every year. Starts with a bad soar throat, moves down into my chest, then up into my head. I think its on my way south now.

Anyway, so I decided to catch up on TV. I watched Eli Stone and the new House.

Is it too much to ask to not put these huge downer episodes w/o some sort of disclaimer on them. I'm totally bummed now.

Now I'm watching the last Eli Stone and the main plot looks like a guy wants Eli to help him die. Arg.

Ah well, some sleep will fix that.

Plan for Ending the War

So this group of pols and military peeps, etc got together and came up with a realistic plan to pull out and ensure that this crap doesn't happen again. Candidates that are challenging seated congress members have signed onto this as well as some seated peeps.

In a perfect world, I think this is the way to go to resolve this issue and I hope it gains momentum in the general election.

If you are wondering what I think needs to be done to end the Iraq war, there you go.

Colbert Smacks Down O'Reilly

Seriously, could you possibly be any bigger of an ass than O'Reilly?

Wow.

In Our Own Backyard

Some U.S. Christians are not reconciled to McCain's candidacy but instead regard the prospective presidency of Barack Obama in the nature of a biblical plague visited upon a sinful people.
...
According to this activist, at the heart of the let-Obama-win movement is longtime Virginia conservative leader Michael Farris -- the nation's leading home-school advocate, who is now chancellor of Patrick Henry College (in Purcellville, Va.) for home-schooled students
...
Farris is regarded as one of the hardest-edged Christian politicians. He is reported in evangelical circles to promote the biblical justification for an Obama plague-like presidency.

Now tell me again that home schooling is primarily because you are concerned about the quality of the education your child receives in school and not as a cover for Christian indoctrination?

Punks.

Build The Party, Biatches!

I can smell that 60 vote supermajority in the Senate just around the corner. Mmmmm..progress.

Check out what Obama has been up to that is going to help the party down ticket.

Good lovin. This guys knows his shit.

Sailing!

Mel and I went sailing over the weekend, the first step in the plan to charter in BVI. It was amazing, to say the least. Our instructor was awesome. Nice dry sense of humor and paitent. The winds were pretty strong (as in small craft advisory) so we were able to learn the skills in some pretty intense conditions.

Because of the wind being so strong I was soar as crap the next few days. I still am a bit in my legs. My hands were pretty raw Saturday night but as luck would have it we happened upon a West Marine and picked up some sailing gloves for Sunday. Holy crap do those make a difference! I also managed to break the handle that raises the main (they are designed to break) because the cables were all jammed up. When it broke I kinda slammed into the mast so I have this big bruise on the top of my shoulder. It was fun though. :)

All in all both of us our excited to get back out on the water and practice. I requested information on the Cruising course, which is the next step.

Fun!

Obama Elitest?

So the HRC campaign has been trying to paint Obama as an elitest every since his 'bitter' comment a few weeks ago.

I'm thinking that after this remark it's going to be a little hard to do that.

Seriously. Wtf?

Me!

Read!

(h/t Erica)

Bees!

One of my favorite blogs that disappeared a while back but has recently appeared. Totally random entries. Check out this particular entry.

A Goal

I have decided to sit a goal for myself this summer. It is a lofty goal, and may not be reachable because towards the end it depends on the willingness of others. However, I want to do as much as I can personally to achieve it.

The goal is this: charter a boat and sail in the British Virigin Islands.

This weekend I take the first step towards this along with Mel when we take a two day course to learn basic sailing skills. After this course we will then have our Basic Sailing Cert that will allow us to charter sail boats for in-shore sailing. The next step is to take a cruising which is offered by the same marina. This is where it starts to become dependent on others. The course is two days on a 38+ foot cruiser learning about various weekend-type skills. However, it has to be privately scheduled which means I need to round up some people that are interested in doing this. Volunteers or am I going to have to talk you all into it?

Finally, this same marina, at the completion of the cruising course will help you setup a sailing vacation in the B.V.I. for you and some of your closest friends. Seriously, how fricken awesome would that be? Of course, I need people to do that as well.

So! Who wants to help me accomplish my goal?

Dream!

This came to me in a dream.

Imagine a Christan/Fold/Regaee band named 'Swank Underwear'.

That is all.