A New Song

by Swank Underwear: Can't Stop the Purring

Love it.

Two Masters

I worked at a company called Postal Innovations for several years. At that company I learned a lot about how NOT to manage a company. One of the things that used to drive me through the wall was different managers/owners would come to me and task me with something as a 'high priority' and then when I switched over to work on that another one would wonder why their 'high priority' wasn't being completed. I made the mistake that management actually communicated and had some grand plan instead of making shit up as they went along.

Where I work now we are starting to fall into a somewhat similar situation, although different. I have a boss on whose team I work and we get a long well. We both have a boss that is responsible for laying out the requirements for the projects my boss's team works on. So at least in this case rather than having multiple people coming to tell me what to do with equal priority we have one guy that calls the shots. Great, right?

Well, it should be. Except this guy doesn't talk to the engineers/architects that actually setup the systems that we need to work on. He has this abstract notion on the way this stuff should work but doesn't really have a good handle on it. As a result, we end up in these situations where we get direction from the main boss guy but then in talking to the architect/engineer people we get 'No, you can't do it that way, you have to do this'.

So, I'm at a position now where I don't talk to the engineer people if I can help it. I decided the only person that can make my life miserable is the main boss guy, not the engineers despite how correct they probably are. What needs to happen is that main boss guy needs to have it out with the engineer people and everyone to get on the same page. I'm not going to be a proxy for their war.

Wussified Nation

I had this long conversation today and something very interesting came up. Somehow we ended up on the topic of his marriage and how a large percentages of marriages fail. He started to talk about how his marriage works because his wife has taken on the traditional role of the wife and his to some degree subservient to him. Subservient in that if he puts his foot down she'll abide by it. That isn't to say she just stays home and cranks out kids. She is basically an executive at a Fortune 500 company and brings in a good chunk of change. I joked and said 'But you still expect her to have dinner ready when you get home?' and he said 'Basically.'.

From there he started to talk about how one of the reasons our nation is going in the shitter is because we don't have these traditional roles anymore and men are being wussified. He points to African tribes that still have this sort of structure but his favorite example is the lion. The lion sits underneath the tree all day licking his balls and sends his women out to go find some food. All he does is provides security and knocks them up. So, the argument goes, because we as a society stress behaviors that are counter to this basic instinct we end up with some really messed up results.

Ok. My counter-argument is that while we may have evolved with these sorts of instincts from a survival perspective they really aren't necessary anymore in a modern society. I don't need to sit at home with a gun in my hand and protect my kingdom while my women go out and provide for me. I don't need to climb the trees to get the fruit or hunt down a boar to feed my family. Those hunting/protection instincts just aren't as necessary. I'm not saying they aren't there, I'm just saying that they aren't key for survival anymore.

However, back to the main point about a man and a woman. His basic point here is that when society goes counter to these basic instincts you end up with broken marriages. I argue that it is society that creates these bullshit roles and pushes people into them. Would men really feel like they need to be your never crying, no emotion 'John Wayne' types if it they weren't brought up that way? You keep repressing that crap and it is going to come out sideways, regardless of what your basic human instinct is and how in tune that image is with it.

No, successful relationships are the product of good communication and a willingness to compromise. Because his relationship works does not mean that same pattern will work for everyone. They found a balance that works for them and more power to them. But to argue that their balance works because it is based on this basic human instinct is rationalizing I think.

What say you?

UPDATE: So really, the question that I'm always curious about is this: how much is the result of human instinct and how much is the result of cultural influences?

Lousy Downers

I stayed home sick today. I believe its the nasty nasty allergy thing I get every year. Starts with a bad soar throat, moves down into my chest, then up into my head. I think its on my way south now.

Anyway, so I decided to catch up on TV. I watched Eli Stone and the new House.

Is it too much to ask to not put these huge downer episodes w/o some sort of disclaimer on them. I'm totally bummed now.

Now I'm watching the last Eli Stone and the main plot looks like a guy wants Eli to help him die. Arg.

Ah well, some sleep will fix that.

Plan for Ending the War

So this group of pols and military peeps, etc got together and came up with a realistic plan to pull out and ensure that this crap doesn't happen again. Candidates that are challenging seated congress members have signed onto this as well as some seated peeps.

In a perfect world, I think this is the way to go to resolve this issue and I hope it gains momentum in the general election.

If you are wondering what I think needs to be done to end the Iraq war, there you go.

Colbert Smacks Down O'Reilly

Seriously, could you possibly be any bigger of an ass than O'Reilly?

Wow.

In Our Own Backyard

Some U.S. Christians are not reconciled to McCain's candidacy but instead regard the prospective presidency of Barack Obama in the nature of a biblical plague visited upon a sinful people.
...
According to this activist, at the heart of the let-Obama-win movement is longtime Virginia conservative leader Michael Farris -- the nation's leading home-school advocate, who is now chancellor of Patrick Henry College (in Purcellville, Va.) for home-schooled students
...
Farris is regarded as one of the hardest-edged Christian politicians. He is reported in evangelical circles to promote the biblical justification for an Obama plague-like presidency.

Now tell me again that home schooling is primarily because you are concerned about the quality of the education your child receives in school and not as a cover for Christian indoctrination?

Punks.

Build The Party, Biatches!

I can smell that 60 vote supermajority in the Senate just around the corner. Mmmmm..progress.

Check out what Obama has been up to that is going to help the party down ticket.

Good lovin. This guys knows his shit.

Sailing!

Mel and I went sailing over the weekend, the first step in the plan to charter in BVI. It was amazing, to say the least. Our instructor was awesome. Nice dry sense of humor and paitent. The winds were pretty strong (as in small craft advisory) so we were able to learn the skills in some pretty intense conditions.

Because of the wind being so strong I was soar as crap the next few days. I still am a bit in my legs. My hands were pretty raw Saturday night but as luck would have it we happened upon a West Marine and picked up some sailing gloves for Sunday. Holy crap do those make a difference! I also managed to break the handle that raises the main (they are designed to break) because the cables were all jammed up. When it broke I kinda slammed into the mast so I have this big bruise on the top of my shoulder. It was fun though. :)

All in all both of us our excited to get back out on the water and practice. I requested information on the Cruising course, which is the next step.

Fun!

Obama Elitest?

So the HRC campaign has been trying to paint Obama as an elitest every since his 'bitter' comment a few weeks ago.

I'm thinking that after this remark it's going to be a little hard to do that.

Seriously. Wtf?

Me!

Read!

(h/t Erica)

Bees!

One of my favorite blogs that disappeared a while back but has recently appeared. Totally random entries. Check out this particular entry.

A Goal

I have decided to sit a goal for myself this summer. It is a lofty goal, and may not be reachable because towards the end it depends on the willingness of others. However, I want to do as much as I can personally to achieve it.

The goal is this: charter a boat and sail in the British Virigin Islands.

This weekend I take the first step towards this along with Mel when we take a two day course to learn basic sailing skills. After this course we will then have our Basic Sailing Cert that will allow us to charter sail boats for in-shore sailing. The next step is to take a cruising which is offered by the same marina. This is where it starts to become dependent on others. The course is two days on a 38+ foot cruiser learning about various weekend-type skills. However, it has to be privately scheduled which means I need to round up some people that are interested in doing this. Volunteers or am I going to have to talk you all into it?

Finally, this same marina, at the completion of the cruising course will help you setup a sailing vacation in the B.V.I. for you and some of your closest friends. Seriously, how fricken awesome would that be? Of course, I need people to do that as well.

So! Who wants to help me accomplish my goal?

Dream!

This came to me in a dream.

Imagine a Christan/Fold/Regaee band named 'Swank Underwear'.

That is all.

Downer

Torchwood is a british spin-off from the new Dr. Who series on BBC America. Some of the episodes aren't that great but then they will put together a few that are just amazing. The last two of the season were some of the best writing I've ever seen in sci-fi.

Anyway, I just finished watching the Season Finale and holy crap, what a downer. They killed two of the main characters off and had these crazy farewells to them. The thing is, the episode before filled in all this backstory about all the main characters and then they killed two of them off.

Nuts. Very good though.

Careful What You Order

I went to dinner Sunday night with Mel and some friends. During the course of the evening I had a flight of beer and shared a bottle of wine. We decided between us that we wanted an after-dinner drink so I picked up the wine list (of bottles, mind you, not glasses) and saw a cheap port. Everyone agreed so we said to Waiter Bitch (the nickname we gave him because he said to the table next to us, and I kid you not: "My name is [whatever] and I'll be your desert bitch tonight" ):

"We would like a bottle of port, please"
"A bottle? Not four glasses?"
"Yes, a bottle."
"Are you sure?"
"Absolutely."

So he brings out a bottle of port. Now, usually desert wines come in these very narrow bottles that you can just managed to squeeze four glasses so that's what we (I) expected. I was abit surprised when out came a rather larger bottle. The other thing to keep in mind is that port has a higher alcohol content then wine or even desert wine at around 20%.

Ok, so you picture this? We were all pretty toasted at this point so we didn't think much of it. We started pouring the glasses and I'm thinking 'Wow, this is really good considering how cheap it was'. Then it dawned on me and I just started laughing. That's right. It wasn't per bottle...it was per glass. Opps.

Yea, so. Needless to say, the dinner bill was considerably higher than we planned and we had to share a cab home.

Oh! I also learned, on the cab ride home, that it is possible to throw up and just go right back to laughing like nothing happened. That was pretty amusing.

The Lost Chord

So I was watching this movie this morning called 'Melinda and Melinda' and within it there is a reference to something called 'the lost chord'. The context was interesting so I looked it up.

Turns out, it was a song written in 1877 that basically boils down to a musical chord that the composer hit while screwing around with his organ (the musical one, you sick people) that just brought complete clarity to everything. After it faded he was never able to find it again. The first thing I thought of was the song 'Tribute' by Tenacious D.

I like these sort of mystical kinda things. Don't know why but I find them really interesting, particularly when they move into popular culture.

Anyway, here are the lyrics to the song 'The Lost Chord' by Arthur Sullivan:

Seated one day at the organ,
I was weary and ill at ease,
And my fingers wandered idly
Over the noisy keys.

I know not what I was playing,
Or what I was dreaming then;
But I struck one chord of music,
Like the sound of a great Amen.

It flooded the crimson twilight,
Like the close of an angel's psalm,
And it lay on my fevered spirit
With a touch of infinite calm.

It quieted pain and sorrow,
Like love overcoming strife;
It seemed the harmonious echo
From our discordant life.

It linked all perplexéd meanings
Into one perfect peace,
And trembled away into silence
As if it were loth to cease.

I have sought, but I seek it vainly,
That one lost chord divine,
Which came from the soul of the organ,
And entered into mine.

It may be that death's bright angel
Will speak in that chord again,
It may be that only in Heav'n
I shall hear that grand Amen.

Crazy Group Dynamics

The dynamics in the group tonight were crazy. There was a lot of very interesting verbal fencing and such that touched on some old vulnerabilities in me. It turns out that those old vulnerabilities don't hold much power anymore. Learning that was great.

One thing that I learned in therapy, probably the single most important thing I learned for myself, was the idea of being selfish in a healthy way. As time goes on and I see that dynamic at work in other people and in myself I understand it and appreciate it more. Basically it is knowing when your shit ends and someone elses begins. To understand that you can only be responsible for your own actions and reactions and not for someone elses to you. Everyone processes things through the filters of their own experiences and you just can't hold yourself responsible for how they react to you when you are acting on your own behalf for your own good. That is being selfish in a healthy way.

That isn't to say you shouldn't care for others or show sympathy or try to help them, etc. The idea is to not let their stuff become your stuff. To not become vested and to be able to walk away. It's hard to do but it is very freeing.

Anyway, that current played out in a lot of different ways with a lot of different people, myself included. The other really interesting bit of the night was some verbal fencing I had with someone that took me a bit to realize he was being serious and not just trying to get a reaction from me. Basically the point that because I am very open with my views and opinions that I tend to alienate some people, rather than trying to moderate myself to get along with more people. The argument put forth was that when I get older I'll realize this. Ok, fair enough. Who am I to say I know what lessons I will learn in the future. Will I change? Hell yes I will. Will I change and learn the same lessons someone else did? Maybe, but who is in any position to know that? Everyone takes a different path and learns different lessons. They can be similar, sure, but it's going to mean something different to everyone. All I know is that right now I have never been more in tune with who I am at this moment and I am having a great time. When I'm out with people I know I feel safe enough to totally be myself and if there are some people that our offended, walk away. It's not like I'm making anyone listen to me or interact with me and I'm not interested in pleasing people just to please them. I am at Meetup for my satisfaction and fulfillment just like everyone else is in the end. Otherwise, why would you be there?

So, in the end it turned out to be a pretty interesting night and I'm glad I left my cave to enjoy it.

Oh, and Harold and Kumar 2 was pretty good. :)

Speaking of Dreams

This series of posts are going to be funny. This is the third I've written back-to-back but you all will probably read them backwards so the train of thought is going to be weird.

Anyway, I had this dream last night (either after the Misfit one or the second part of that one) that it cost me over $200 to fill up my gas tank. I started to think how much of a pain that would be and that'd I'd have to work from home sometimes, etc.

But really, maybe gas climbing in price isn't a bad thing in the long term. Sure, it'll be a huge bitch in the short term for everyone but maybe these are the kind of things that need to happen to get people motivated to make changes.

Whatever. Just a thought.

Cat Dream

So much for going back to bed.

Anyway, I have this reoccuring dream involving my dead cat Misfit. Each time I'm in this dream and I'm just chilling at the house and he just shows up and hangs out for awhile. I am aware that I hadn't seen him for a while and that he tends to come and go as he pleases. Like he goes into hiding or something and just pops out to hang from time to time. Well, this time around I decided I was going to take pictures of him to prove to people that he exists, right? So I took a few pictures and then in the dream I woke up...into another dream! And in that other dream I knew he wasn't alive but I met three people that all had different aspects of his personality, right? And they were like calling to me or something and then it just went totally weird after that and I don't really recall it.

Then I really woke up and I remember looking at my phone and wondering if I had really taken pictures...

Alas, I did not.


Until next time in my dreams, Misfit.