Friday, March 04, 2011

That Dancing Thing

In May last year I started to take ballroom dancing lessons. Years ago, when swing was having something of a revival, I took a couple of group lessons and really enjoyed it. When I was in Ashburn I toyed with the idea of picking up lessons again but never got around to it. After a nice big fail trying to dance at a wedding I decided to pick it up again. The person I was dating at the time enjoyed dancing so that was a motivation as well, truth be told.

It turns out I have something of an aptitude to it. Either that or my teachers are blowing smoke up my ass. Either way, I have been having fun doing it. My background in music really helps as it allows me to pick out the beat and understand phrasing. Sometimes the phrasing thing is annoying during group classes because everyone else starts and I'm waiting for the beginning of the phrase.

Anyway I have mixed feelings about this and it comes from my own crap. On one hand, the ladies like to dance so that is a bonus. On the other, and this is stupid but I can't get it out of my head, dancing isn't exactly a manly pursuit. Man, I feel like such a sell out putting voice to this but there is is in my head none the less. I probably just need to grow up. What is the point of this blog if I'm not honest though, right?

So each week I go through these doubts of wanting to pursue it. It is a cultural thing, no doubt. But it is holding me back from embracing it more. Boo cultural prejudices. I'll grow out of it eventually.

Moving on. The school I go to, Arthur Murray Dance Studio, is a world wide dealio that has been around forever. I pay up the butt for it but with the rate I get private lessons, up to four group classes a week, and two big ass dance practice party things each week. Last month I decided to throw myself more into the dance thing. I end up doing some 3 to 6 hours of class/practice a week. Nuts.

Meh, running out of steam on this post. The nutshell is I'm really starting to enjoy it as I get more confident. Good times.

Tuesday, March 01, 2011

Love and Caffeinated Beverages

Been awhile since I posted. I used to blog quite a bit because it filled a need in my life. With the advent of Facebook I've gotten away from this since Facebook filled that need to a degree. But over time I've found that I still need a forum for ranting in more than a single paragraph so might as well crank up this Wurlitzer once more.

Before I get into love I'd like to say a few words about caffeinated beverages. They are the devil. More to the point, they are the devil that most be embraced. I don't want to rely on caffeine to be productive yet when I have it I'm like super productive man doing the work of 10 Ryans. So since I don't drink a lot of it I have little tolerance for it; just a little hits me like a truck. Additionally, I don't like the taste of coffee. I drink mochas when I have anything at all which is just chocolate in a cup with some coffee in there somewhere. Finally, if I have too much my heart lets me know about it by palpating and such. If you have never experienced palpitations they suck.

I tell you all that to tell you this. I am slowly drinking a bit more each week. I hope not to get to a point where I have to have my pot a day in order to function at all. Rather I am trying to use it strategically. I fear that will just be my gateway into becoming another automaton in the coffee addicted world in which we live.

Right, so, love. A relationship I had for about 8 months or so ended really on New Year's day, although it didn't really end formally until a few weeks after. I do not regret the relationship at all. It expanded my world and was fun pretending to live a lifestyle I couldn't afford once a month or so. The relationship was long distance which poses a lot of unique challenges. Chief among those is the times when we were together had a lot of pressure to be perfect and when it wasn't the problems were just magnified. I think what ultimately happened is that both fell in love with a conception of who we each were and the potential of what the relationship could be rather than the reality of it. It had been clear to me from the beginning that as long as we talked through issues we would be alright but if we ever got to a point where we didn't talk that would be it. In the end our undoing was when we stopped talking and working through problems after New Years.

So from what seemed to be a very strong and solid relationship to single again quite abruptly was, well, pretty shitty. That we never talked on the phone and ended up ending it through IM I am torn about. On one side I think had we talked on the phone we might still be together and I'm not sure that would have been a good thing in the end. On the other side that we just gave up rather trying to work it out really goes against who I am and what I believe in when it comes to relationships. It was not from a lack of trying but both sides need to want to work through things. Can't really force healing.

I think about the differences between long and short distance relationships and one of the conclusions I come to is that if I were to ever enter into a long term relationship again it would be key to spend at least a week together in the beginning to really get to know each other. A vacation together up front would be nice but even just one party or the other hanging around for a week while the other does their day-to-day thing would work. It is all about forming a more accurate image of who each of us are rather than an idealized image that is critical. When idealized images meet reality it is quite a shock, as I found out. Once you get to know each other better then it is just a matter of constant communication and willingness to talk about the differences in expectations and reality when they come up. That is true regardless of distance, with friends and lovers a like. Always and forever, communication is the key.

Ok! Not bad for a come back post. Maybe I'll keep the momentum going. Commenting here or on Facebook about this post will help. ;)