Tuesday, April 29, 2008


Torchwood is a british spin-off from the new Dr. Who series on BBC America. Some of the episodes aren't that great but then they will put together a few that are just amazing. The last two of the season were some of the best writing I've ever seen in sci-fi.

Anyway, I just finished watching the Season Finale and holy crap, what a downer. They killed two of the main characters off and had these crazy farewells to them. The thing is, the episode before filled in all this backstory about all the main characters and then they killed two of them off.

Nuts. Very good though.

Careful What You Order

I went to dinner Sunday night with Mel and some friends. During the course of the evening I had a flight of beer and shared a bottle of wine. We decided between us that we wanted an after-dinner drink so I picked up the wine list (of bottles, mind you, not glasses) and saw a cheap port. Everyone agreed so we said to Waiter Bitch (the nickname we gave him because he said to the table next to us, and I kid you not: "My name is [whatever] and I'll be your desert bitch tonight" ):

"We would like a bottle of port, please"
"A bottle? Not four glasses?"
"Yes, a bottle."
"Are you sure?"

So he brings out a bottle of port. Now, usually desert wines come in these very narrow bottles that you can just managed to squeeze four glasses so that's what we (I) expected. I was abit surprised when out came a rather larger bottle. The other thing to keep in mind is that port has a higher alcohol content then wine or even desert wine at around 20%.

Ok, so you picture this? We were all pretty toasted at this point so we didn't think much of it. We started pouring the glasses and I'm thinking 'Wow, this is really good considering how cheap it was'. Then it dawned on me and I just started laughing. That's right. It wasn't per bottle...it was per glass. Opps.

Yea, so. Needless to say, the dinner bill was considerably higher than we planned and we had to share a cab home.

Oh! I also learned, on the cab ride home, that it is possible to throw up and just go right back to laughing like nothing happened. That was pretty amusing.

Saturday, April 26, 2008

The Lost Chord

So I was watching this movie this morning called 'Melinda and Melinda' and within it there is a reference to something called 'the lost chord'. The context was interesting so I looked it up.

Turns out, it was a song written in 1877 that basically boils down to a musical chord that the composer hit while screwing around with his organ (the musical one, you sick people) that just brought complete clarity to everything. After it faded he was never able to find it again. The first thing I thought of was the song 'Tribute' by Tenacious D.

I like these sort of mystical kinda things. Don't know why but I find them really interesting, particularly when they move into popular culture.

Anyway, here are the lyrics to the song 'The Lost Chord' by Arthur Sullivan:

Seated one day at the organ,
I was weary and ill at ease,
And my fingers wandered idly
Over the noisy keys.

I know not what I was playing,
Or what I was dreaming then;
But I struck one chord of music,
Like the sound of a great Amen.

It flooded the crimson twilight,
Like the close of an angel's psalm,
And it lay on my fevered spirit
With a touch of infinite calm.

It quieted pain and sorrow,
Like love overcoming strife;
It seemed the harmonious echo
From our discordant life.

It linked all perplexéd meanings
Into one perfect peace,
And trembled away into silence
As if it were loth to cease.

I have sought, but I seek it vainly,
That one lost chord divine,
Which came from the soul of the organ,
And entered into mine.

It may be that death's bright angel
Will speak in that chord again,
It may be that only in Heav'n
I shall hear that grand Amen.

Crazy Group Dynamics

The dynamics in the group tonight were crazy. There was a lot of very interesting verbal fencing and such that touched on some old vulnerabilities in me. It turns out that those old vulnerabilities don't hold much power anymore. Learning that was great.

One thing that I learned in therapy, probably the single most important thing I learned for myself, was the idea of being selfish in a healthy way. As time goes on and I see that dynamic at work in other people and in myself I understand it and appreciate it more. Basically it is knowing when your shit ends and someone elses begins. To understand that you can only be responsible for your own actions and reactions and not for someone elses to you. Everyone processes things through the filters of their own experiences and you just can't hold yourself responsible for how they react to you when you are acting on your own behalf for your own good. That is being selfish in a healthy way.

That isn't to say you shouldn't care for others or show sympathy or try to help them, etc. The idea is to not let their stuff become your stuff. To not become vested and to be able to walk away. It's hard to do but it is very freeing.

Anyway, that current played out in a lot of different ways with a lot of different people, myself included. The other really interesting bit of the night was some verbal fencing I had with someone that took me a bit to realize he was being serious and not just trying to get a reaction from me. Basically the point that because I am very open with my views and opinions that I tend to alienate some people, rather than trying to moderate myself to get along with more people. The argument put forth was that when I get older I'll realize this. Ok, fair enough. Who am I to say I know what lessons I will learn in the future. Will I change? Hell yes I will. Will I change and learn the same lessons someone else did? Maybe, but who is in any position to know that? Everyone takes a different path and learns different lessons. They can be similar, sure, but it's going to mean something different to everyone. All I know is that right now I have never been more in tune with who I am at this moment and I am having a great time. When I'm out with people I know I feel safe enough to totally be myself and if there are some people that our offended, walk away. It's not like I'm making anyone listen to me or interact with me and I'm not interested in pleasing people just to please them. I am at Meetup for my satisfaction and fulfillment just like everyone else is in the end. Otherwise, why would you be there?

So, in the end it turned out to be a pretty interesting night and I'm glad I left my cave to enjoy it.

Oh, and Harold and Kumar 2 was pretty good. :)

Friday, April 25, 2008

Speaking of Dreams

This series of posts are going to be funny. This is the third I've written back-to-back but you all will probably read them backwards so the train of thought is going to be weird.

Anyway, I had this dream last night (either after the Misfit one or the second part of that one) that it cost me over $200 to fill up my gas tank. I started to think how much of a pain that would be and that'd I'd have to work from home sometimes, etc.

But really, maybe gas climbing in price isn't a bad thing in the long term. Sure, it'll be a huge bitch in the short term for everyone but maybe these are the kind of things that need to happen to get people motivated to make changes.

Whatever. Just a thought.

Cat Dream

So much for going back to bed.

Anyway, I have this reoccuring dream involving my dead cat Misfit. Each time I'm in this dream and I'm just chilling at the house and he just shows up and hangs out for awhile. I am aware that I hadn't seen him for a while and that he tends to come and go as he pleases. Like he goes into hiding or something and just pops out to hang from time to time. Well, this time around I decided I was going to take pictures of him to prove to people that he exists, right? So I took a few pictures and then in the dream I woke up...into another dream! And in that other dream I knew he wasn't alive but I met three people that all had different aspects of his personality, right? And they were like calling to me or something and then it just went totally weird after that and I don't really recall it.

Then I really woke up and I remember looking at my phone and wondering if I had really taken pictures...

Alas, I did not.

Until next time in my dreams, Misfit.

What The Heck?

Why am I still awake? I tried to sleep but it wasn't happening. Now its about 4 am and I'm watching 'Hellraiser: Hellworld' with good ol' pinhead hacking people up and such. Eww...there goes someone's head with a butchers knife. Oy.

I should try to sleep again. I certainly am tired now but strangely I feel compelled to finish watching this. I'm not sure how they are going to manage to fill another hour when 2 of the 4 main characters have already been killed. Maybe that's why I feel compelled?

Screw it. I'm going to bed.


Thursday, April 24, 2008


There are a few things I sing the praises of: Tivo, Chiropractors, ducks and Meetup!. With regards to Meetup, it's really the way to go to meet people and increase your social circle. There are two groups I am very active in and two I am somewhat active in, despite being a co-organizer of one. I shall link to all four in a moment.

I right this because if you aren't in Meetup you should give it a shot. Most of the groups are free and the ones that aren't are very very cheap (like $20/year) to offset organizational costs. There are groups all around the country for practically anything you can imagine. You owe it to yourself to check it out.

As a way to show you what kind of crazy goes on, here is a blog that Shana updates with pictures from the adventures of the two groups I'm most active in (EDM and the Wine group).

And here are the links to the ones I am most involved in. Join people, join.

The Virginia Wine Club

Eat, Drink and Meet-NoVA Group (aka EDM aka Julie's Group)

The Fairfax Camping Meetup Group (The one I am co-organizer in name only)

DC/MD/VA Adventure Meetup (First group I joined)

How Should I Take This?

And now for another edition of 'How Should I Take This?'

This one was emailed to me by a friend. The email subject said 'Made me think of you ;)' and this was the link in the email.

I leave this without further comment.

Monday, April 21, 2008

Don't Be A Turkey

I went away for the weekend with a bunch of people for a wine weekend. It was a good time and I learned some things. I'm not going to bore you with details of the entire weekend but I am going to hit some highlights:

1) On the way down 5 of us hit two vineyards and ended up purchasing 3 cases (36 bottles) of wine. That's a lot of wine.

2) Sometimes a $44 bottle of wine is actually worth $44.

3) People that have been drinking a lot all day like to sing. Good times.

4) Getting pulled over for the license plate registration being expired after leaving a wine festival can be somewhat nerve racking.

5) Wine festivals are still fun even in the rain.

6) The attitude with the Bourborsville people is unbelievably shitty. "We are big enough that we don't have to care", "I've been drinking wine since I was 3" and "We aren't going to open anymore bottles to taste because it is raining". WTF? It's a wine festival you morons. Let us taste your damn wine and loose the attitude. "Too big to care". Jackass.

7) Smaller wineries are more awesome than bigger well-known ones.

8) Meritage is pronounced like heritage and is an American word.

9) Attack ducks.

10) "The frog jumps at midnight" and "the bunnies hop at midnight" are both very funny.

11) The turkey was almost the national bird.

13) You can make a wine taste like liquor (whiskey)

14) This is a story: Saturday night some of us were hanging outside before bed beneath a porch-like thing. One person was leaning back in his chair so the rain could hit his face. Someone else looked at him and said "Don't be a turkey" to which everyone else looked at her with blank stares and said "...and?". "Do you really need me to finish it?" "Yes". "Don't be a turkey...and die!". After we could breath from laughing so hard we requested an explanation as to what she was talking about. Turns out, the comment makes total sense once you know that turkey's, not being the smartest animals on the planet, will sometimes look up in the sky when it is raining and actually drown. Wow.

All in all, a good time.


I'm not sure what I'm more surprised about. That the New York Times actually did some real reporting or that they uncovered such a program.

Either way, that's not cool.


I guess we aren't done with the fear mongering afterall.

I love Obama's response.

Thursday, April 17, 2008

How Many Lines Of Code...

...would it take to code my personality? Think hard about it (for you coders out there) and then read this. (Even non-coder peeps will like that article)

Ya'll better not be dead to me.

Horrible Debate

Seriously, it took almost an hour before an actual policy question was asked? WTF? If you ever wondered how Bush was elected twice last nights debate is a prime example. My favorite 'question':

STEPHANOPOULOS: Senator, two questions. Number one, do you think Reverend Wright loves America as much as you do?

'Loves America as much as you do'. Can we PLEASE get some adults in charge and not this god damn infintile high school cool kids bullshit? I don't give a flying fuck who 'loves America' more. Loves America compared to what? How subjective can you get?

Seriously, this is bullshit. If the media can't get over the nit-picking gaffes that anyone will make and actually get to policy differences and the way in which these people may actually govern the country, they all need to be shot. The aren't serving the public and they are just allowing people like Bush and his cronies to pull one over on everyone else. How do you get people to vote against their own interests? By making it all about who is the most like them, the everyman/woman, the John/Jane Doe of America. Really, would you want to try to run the country? I sure as hell wouldn't. John Stewart was awesome the other day when he was going on about how he absolutely wants a President that is superior to him. Embarassingly superior and elite. I totally agree. I want superman/woman as the President, not some beer drinking jackass frat boy POS.

Grow up.

UPDATE: Just came across this. A less 'colorful' analysis than mine. Very good, though.

Cool Picture of Me

I really like this picture for some reason.

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

Best Case Yet For Barrack

This is easily the most convincing argument to date.

Tuesday, April 15, 2008

Sound Like Anyone You Know

You are courageous; and you seek challenges. You are a tough-minded, independent and daring thinker who likes to explore ideas or problems thoroughly. You focus easily. And you are persistent, systematic and competent in pursuing your interests and goals.

You are also assertive; and you enjoy the opportunities your hard work wins.

You have a lot of energy. You think quickly, make decisions more easily than most, dislike unnecessary rules, and take a rational approach to people, issues and ideas.

You don't often enjoy "small talk." You are generally not interested in pleasing boring people and you gravitate to men and women who are intellectually exciting and get to their point quickly during conversations.

You are not conventional in most of your attitudes and values. You tend to be irreverent and pragmatic and you like spontaneous people. You can be an exciting, yet hard driving and exacting, friend and companion.

Saturday, April 12, 2008

Pedantic Asshole

I went to a friends house tonight in a gated community. To get in you have to go through a gate. Those that live there get a pass and can wave it in front of this thingy that'll open the gate. Those that are visiting drive up to the right of the residence entrance and entry in a code which rings the person you are visiting to let you through.

Before I get to the asshole I want to say two things. First, I didn't handle the situation as well as I should have and I know that. Second, I understand that there are problems with people 'cheating' to get through the gate and some residents get irritated about this. I would be as well.

Ok, so I'm at the guest entrance thing and I type in the code. While it dials and rings some guy in a white Jetta drives up to the resident entrance and waves his little badge thingy. I here the beeps indicating that I have been given access and I drive up to the gate kinda fast. The gate is really slow so I sit there. About two seconds later Jetta-boy guns it and flies up on me and slams on his breaks...obviously something pissed him off. The gate finally opens and I go through and haul ass over the speed bumps because I figure this guy is made at me and is now following me. He bounces over them and follows me all the way down to where I park and parks near me. The top of my Jeep is down so while I put the top back up he eventually drives up and starts talking to me.

This is where I could have handled it differently. He babbles about how I cut him off and I babble about how I was beeped in and just went to the gate and he tried to hit me. We repeat each other a couple of times, obviously making no progress, and he talks about how my friend could be written up for my actions, etc. About the third time we repeat I just say 'Bullshit' and walk away to finish putting my top up. He babbles something about not having to curse at him and then drives down to the end of the parking lot, turns around, and comes back up behind my car. I decide to approach it different and ask him 'What do you expect to get out of this' and he says 'You shouldn't have cused at me' at which point I decide the entire thing is stupid and just walk away to my friends. He writes down my license plate number so who knows what he expects to do with that.

So I relay this to my friend who laughs quite a bit and that is that. The entire episode irritates me though. I mean really, what did he expect to get out of it? We obviously have two very different, and probably valid, points of view on this. I suppose if I kept my cool we could have just talked it out but I was pretty irritated that he (a) charged me and (b) followed me all the way down to be a prick about something that amounts to nothing.

I'm also ticked because we thought of the following things I could have done that would have been much better:

1) Just driven around in circles until he got bored
2) Drive out the back gate and back on to the road
3) When he got all pissy about me cussing at him (really, that's weak) lay into him with some choice phrases about being a pendantic asshole
4) Some other really good ones I can't think of right now

Anyway, that place has issues with people being pricks and I guess people that are that high strung are going to have issues. Pity.

Friday, April 11, 2008

Candidate Hand Gestures

Christopher Walken analysis the candidates hand gestures here.

Choice quote:
Because, as we all know, both the coinflip and the vending machine guarantee change, but only the vending machine also holds the promise of delicious Ho Hos.

Thursday, April 10, 2008


Is it too hard for the person that called for a meeting to take place at a particular time actually show up and not, I don't know, go on a walk instead?

Wednesday, April 09, 2008

Freedom Fries and Hot Dogs

What do Freedom Fries and Hot Dogs have related?

This! (Check out the Historical Parallels)

Addiction: Follow-up

Only a couple of comments on the first addiction post but they were good ones and brought up some stuff I missed in the first post. I wanted to respond in a new post to flesh out some of that stuff.

I think Shana's comment really illustrates the stigma addictions can create for the addicted. In addition, it brings up something I totally forgot to talk about but is so critical in addiction treatment, and that is shame. Shame comes internally from hating the power the addiction has over you and not wanting to let people know about it. It is re-enforced by people who don't know how to deal with addictions and do look upon it as a weakness. It's a huge obstacle to recovery.

It is interesting to me that Mel brought up the following:
i had a friend who spoke of the social strata of rehab: heroin and cocaine addicts, top of the totem pole. Then alcoholics, gamblers, sex addicts, others. Last, eating disorders and cutters.

I thought about touching on this although from a different perspective. Namely from which are more 'social acceptable' or have less stigma around them in society from my POV. I would stick drug and alcohol addiction, particularly alcohol with AA and such, at the most 'accepted' forms of addiction. Eating and gambling probably in the middle with sex addiction towards the bottom. I think cutters are more an example of personality disorder than addiction, although I suppose it could be all stuffed together. Not real sure there.

I am totally in agreement with the need for understanding the commonalities between addictions. I believe they have more in common than they do differences. The 'acting out' behavior is simply the sympton, not the cause.

Very good stuff. Keep it coming.

Stupid Rollouts

We started this rollout last night around 2pm. Didn't leave the office until 11 pm because the stupid server crashed and we couldn't get a hold of anyone at the Pentagon to reset it. Naturally, they reset it about 15 minutes after we left. I was up at 7:30 this morning and we are still pounding it.


Tuesday, April 08, 2008


Addictions are nasty nasty things, but I believe they are much more prevalent than people are generally aware. Let me explain by first taking a step backward and laying down some knowledge from my perspective about addictions and their causes. This will probably ramble a bit because I don't have my thoughts really concise on this yet.

Everyone I would imagine is familiar with substance-based addictions such as alcohol or drugs. You are probably familiar with process-based addictions as well such as gambling. What is interesting about substance- and process-based addictions is that at the core they are all very tightly related, even if the method of 'acting out' is very different. So, for example, in a drug addiction the acting out behavior is getting high due to the effects of the drug itself. In a process addiction like gambling, stealing, eating, sex, etc the high is the result of the whatever the activity is being undertaken. I've always thought of process addictions as just getting high off of the body's internal chemical reactions based on acting out, as opposed to an external high from drugs or alcohol.

Anyway, at their root addictions develop as a coping strategy in order to cope or run away from something you can't or perceive yourself unable to handle. Addictions probably have a genetic component as well that make some people more susceptible to forming full-blown addictive behavior while others may be in a more escapism sorta thing. I guess what I am saying is that you don't have to be a full-blown addict whose behavior controls you to have some feel of what an addiction is like. Escapism has some on the tenants of addiction, particularly when that escapism is obsessive.

I believe that society has a pretty good grasp of drug and alcohol addiction, and that is a good thing for sure. What society does not have a grasp on is process addictions that are somehow viewed as a lack of will rather than something that is just as debilitating as a substance addiction. The stigma around these addictions is in my opinion the way the stigma around substance addictions used to be several decades ago. Let me give you an example, if a trusted friend of yours was to come to you one day and say 'I am an alcoholic.' how would you react? Now if that same person were to come to you and say 'I have a sex addiction' would that change the way you react to them? What if they said they have a problem with eating, would you view it as simply a will-power issue or something else?

The definition of addiction at Dictionary.com is:
the state of being enslaved to a habit or practice or to something that is psychologically or physically habit-forming, as narcotics, to such an extent that its cessation causes severe trauma.

The first part of that definition is right on in that anything can become habit-forming to the point of enslavement. This definition is probably somewhat out-of-date as a lot of the thinking on addiction has expanded to allow for process addictions that do not have the same sort of physical trauma associate with cessation. This goes back to the stigma around process addictions I was babbling about earlier. Anyway, the key point I want to make here is that process addictions can become every bit as enslaving as substance addictions and, additionally, a lot of substance addicts have process addictions and vice-versa.

Ok, so back to my original point now that I have some of the background out-of-the-way about process addictions. I believe that addiction, in particular process addiction, is pretty rampant in society. An addiction really becomes a problem when you obsess about it. When it start to interfere with social engagements and work or it starts to take over your thoughts. When you run into a stressful situation and the first thing you think of is that acting out behavior. When you start to isolate from people. Those are all signs that a behavior that has been escapist to you is or has crossed the line to an addiction. I'm willing to bet that a fair amount of people can associate with some of those things, particularly the bit about stressful situations. Does that mean you have an addiction? No. It doesn't even mean you may develop one. However, it does mean that something is going on there that needs to be looked at because rather than dealing with the situation you are looking for ways to run from it. For some, and I would argue a great many, that can eventually turn into addiction.

Anyway, look at TV, texting, video games and/or the Internet. Internet addiction is probably easily the number 1 process addiction that people just aren't aware of actually having. It has become pretty prevalent in our society. How many of you work at a company that have policies against using the Internet for anything that isn't work related? Those policies probably came into being because a few abusers were totally sucked in and either couldn't or wouldn't stop. There is a good reason why the porn industry is highly profitable and it isn't because of the story lines.

So why this post? This is a topic that I have found fascinating for many years because of the raw power that addiction has over people. It is absolutely amazing to me. The movie 'Fight Club' does a pretty good job a showing different addictions, the book does an even better job. People become addicted to power, to sex, to entertainment without ever really understanding that it is just as much an addiction as drugs or alcohol and just as hard to unravel.

I also want to see what kind of reaction it stirs up in people. There are a lot of opinions of addictions out there and a lot of experience with them directly or indirectly. If you feel safe, share some of those experiences here or with me in-person.


I was driving into work this morningish listening to NPR and this woman talk about a book she has written called 'Madness: A Bi-Polar Story' or something like that. She was talking about the medication she was on and it made me decide to write this post.

While I don't have bi-polar I do have an anxiety condition and ADHD with a splash of depression (although depression is a pretty nebulous term). My severity of these conditions isn't too bad untreated but it is enough to warrent medication.

I've talked to some people about this and many share my same reservations I had with taking medication at first. I went through various techniques (psychotherapy and acupuncture, etc) for years before I finally decided to try the medication route. While the acupuncture was very effective on my anxiety and depression, it didn't help so much on the ADHD side of things.

I don't know that I talked much about my anxiety before and I don't know that I will in this post. I will say that at one point in my life it got to the point where even standing in line at the G-Store was too much for me. That didn't turn me on to medication and, in fact, I had the anxiety somewhat under control by the time I started taking it. Not all together sure why I decided to throw that in this.

Eventually, after talking this over at length with my therapist I asked for a reference to a shrink. The guy I went to originally was exactly what you probably expect a shrink to be. Quick, 15 minute in and out with a prescription. Granted, he had my case file from my therapist but still, I hate being treated that way.

He started me on prozac and Wellbutrin. The prozac was for the ADHD and the Wellbutrin was for the anxiety/depression. He started me on the lowest doses. Both of these were effective for treating those issues but I would crash HARD around 4 pm everyday.

During this time I started to work with a life coach to try to get my life in order (read: organization). The shrink I had been seeing moved on so I need a new one. I mentioned this to my coach who referred me to a different shrink that treated the person and not the condition. My appointments with this one are close to an hour and we go over everything that is going on before adjusting medication, etc. Much more to my liking. Over time I moved from prozac to Lexapro and from the ordinary Wellbutrin to a new XL version that is slow release and lasts 24 hours. The result was no more crashing at 4 pm, yay!

Eventually Cymbalta came out that treats both serotonin and norepinephrine which previously required two medication to treat. Additionally, its a pretty small dose (25 mg or something). I just take one of those a day now and it works quite well. There is a post on my blog about the brain shocks you get if you stop taking it cold turkey, wicked stuff those.

I tell you all of that to tell you this: Sometimes I wonder if the medication makes me not me but some weird pseudo-me. I think that is a fear for a lot of people considering this and it is a valid fear. The radio progam I was listening to this morning brought this up as well and the woman put the conclusion I guess I came to a while ago for succiently. What she realized was that when you are not taking the medication the person you are is sick, the medication allows the real you to come out and I agree with that. The only reason someone might even be going through doubts about taking meds is because they know something is keeping them from being who they really are. Medication is a way to realize that person.

Let me describe something else that might help. When I was off my medication I would have some pretty large swings in mood. Not bi-polar levels because I wouldn't be manic but I would experience large levels of anxiety and dread, lots of catastrophising and what-if'ing everything. What the medication has done is it takes that edge off. My personality hasn't changed but has instead leveled out. My reactions to situations are more paced and in proportion to the situation where before they would sometimes be very out of proportion (both over and under reacting). The way I picture it is if I were to draw a picture of a line that waves up and down, kinda like a sine curve, those highs and lows would represent those peeks where I over/under react to situations. The medication sorta caps those highs and lows so my reactions happen within a smaller range.

Addtionally, the ADHD side of me still functions but in a more good way now. I still can juggle multiple topics and think out-of-the-box, etc but I am able to focus better when it matters. It isn't so much of a grey fog like it used to be. That isn't to say that doesn't happen, but it is more manageable now.

Wow, this was a lot longer than I had intended. In any case, if anyone is dealing with whether or not to try medication then by all means ask questions!

Thursday, April 03, 2008

RANT: Perl

So I have this contract, right? They have a system that has two parts, a wall as it were. On one side of the wall is the company I do the work for and my stuff sits. On the other side of the wall is another company they have been working with forever who handles a different part of their business. Normally these two sides don't have to communicate much but there are some places where they do. Typically it is my side throwing information over to their side.

Ok, so what does this have to do with Perl? Because the other side of the wall insists on using Perl and only Perl. WTF! Seriously, come out of the 90's. Perl is great for patching shit together but it totally is not suitable for enterprise level applications. This is experience talking here. Years ago I worked for a company whose entire system was written in Perl. I even rewrote the entire thing in Perl. Eventually we moved to .Net because it actually works on an Enterprise level without having to fricken jury-rig everything under the sun.

Anyway, why is this bothering the heck out of me right now? Because certain people on the other side of that wall seem to be working to undermine my efforts on my side of the wall. They are contractors, as am I, so I understand the sentiment. However, it's fricken Perl! WTFBBQPWNED! Dorks. Wait, I was going to give you some specific examples.

Example 1: We have two separate databases even though a lot of data is duplicated (seriously...why do people insist on doing things the hard way...that's a different rant). They wanted to synch their database to ours on a nightly basis but since they are using MySQL (which I have no problems with and like) and we are using SQL Server we couldn't easily schedule a replication process. So I suggested that I could setup a web service to allow them to pull data from us nightly or weekly or whatever and they could do whatever they wanted with it. A web service is a STANDARD method of B2B communications that has been around for quite a while now. It is a mature method for languages that are capable of being fricken standard. Wow, the anger. So I setup this web service and, surprise of surprises, they can't consume it because Perl is shit. Eventually they figure it out and all is well. This leads directly to...

Example 2: My side of the wall is in competition with some other companies to land a contract with a well-known company to provide them with data. During the intial conversations I, once again because it fricken works, sugggest that we use a web service to transfer the data. They agree. I also suggest, because of Example 1, that before we sign any contracts or whatever that we have a communications test to make sure they can actually consume a web-service since they are using some propritary language that I am not familiar with. Again, they agree. After that meeting but before the communication test we have another meeting, this time the guy that runs the company on the other side of the wall is involved because we will need to pass information over to him. We kinda go over the plan to use a web serivce and he goes 'Well, are you sure you can make that work? I know you had trouble with that when we tried to implement it.' Can you believe that shit! Fucking Perl guru punkass. I didn't have any problems, the issues were on their side because they insist on using FUCKING PERL. To quote Team America: Jesus Christ Titty Fucking.

So we move forward, have the communications test, have some minor issues on their end that were quickly resolved...WHAM, communication works. Funny how mature standard business practices work, aren't they? Everyones happy and then I hear from the person running the show on my side of the fence that there are doubts that what we want to do isn't possible. I'm like 'What?' and she's like 'Yea, are we sure it is possible?' and I'm like 'This is rocket sceince. It is pretty straight-forward and the hard part is over (the communications test)' and she's like 'Yea, that is what I thought'. Well, guess where the doubt is coming from...you guessed it, Perl world! No shit they would think it isn't possible, it's fucking PERL!

Wow. Just wow. And let's not forget that this other group seem to have a habit of overstressing how difficult things are going to be to change. Actually, now that I think about it, I bet they aren't overstressing. It probably is just that hard because its FUCKING PERL.

Ok, Rant over.


"You can't hold yourself responsible for what gorillas did."

I love me some Team America.