Tuesday, March 01, 2011

Love and Caffeinated Beverages

Been awhile since I posted. I used to blog quite a bit because it filled a need in my life. With the advent of Facebook I've gotten away from this since Facebook filled that need to a degree. But over time I've found that I still need a forum for ranting in more than a single paragraph so might as well crank up this Wurlitzer once more.

Before I get into love I'd like to say a few words about caffeinated beverages. They are the devil. More to the point, they are the devil that most be embraced. I don't want to rely on caffeine to be productive yet when I have it I'm like super productive man doing the work of 10 Ryans. So since I don't drink a lot of it I have little tolerance for it; just a little hits me like a truck. Additionally, I don't like the taste of coffee. I drink mochas when I have anything at all which is just chocolate in a cup with some coffee in there somewhere. Finally, if I have too much my heart lets me know about it by palpating and such. If you have never experienced palpitations they suck.

I tell you all that to tell you this. I am slowly drinking a bit more each week. I hope not to get to a point where I have to have my pot a day in order to function at all. Rather I am trying to use it strategically. I fear that will just be my gateway into becoming another automaton in the coffee addicted world in which we live.

Right, so, love. A relationship I had for about 8 months or so ended really on New Year's day, although it didn't really end formally until a few weeks after. I do not regret the relationship at all. It expanded my world and was fun pretending to live a lifestyle I couldn't afford once a month or so. The relationship was long distance which poses a lot of unique challenges. Chief among those is the times when we were together had a lot of pressure to be perfect and when it wasn't the problems were just magnified. I think what ultimately happened is that both fell in love with a conception of who we each were and the potential of what the relationship could be rather than the reality of it. It had been clear to me from the beginning that as long as we talked through issues we would be alright but if we ever got to a point where we didn't talk that would be it. In the end our undoing was when we stopped talking and working through problems after New Years.

So from what seemed to be a very strong and solid relationship to single again quite abruptly was, well, pretty shitty. That we never talked on the phone and ended up ending it through IM I am torn about. On one side I think had we talked on the phone we might still be together and I'm not sure that would have been a good thing in the end. On the other side that we just gave up rather trying to work it out really goes against who I am and what I believe in when it comes to relationships. It was not from a lack of trying but both sides need to want to work through things. Can't really force healing.

I think about the differences between long and short distance relationships and one of the conclusions I come to is that if I were to ever enter into a long term relationship again it would be key to spend at least a week together in the beginning to really get to know each other. A vacation together up front would be nice but even just one party or the other hanging around for a week while the other does their day-to-day thing would work. It is all about forming a more accurate image of who each of us are rather than an idealized image that is critical. When idealized images meet reality it is quite a shock, as I found out. Once you get to know each other better then it is just a matter of constant communication and willingness to talk about the differences in expectations and reality when they come up. That is true regardless of distance, with friends and lovers a like. Always and forever, communication is the key.

Ok! Not bad for a come back post. Maybe I'll keep the momentum going. Commenting here or on Facebook about this post will help. ;)

5 comments:

Becky said...

I am so happy to see you blog again that I am actually going to post a comment since I am lurker who never comments on anyone's blog.

I can only imagine you hopped up on caffeine if I normally see you decaffeinated and I would take you for a very caffeinated person.

I am very sorry things did not work out for you in your relationship but I know that if it ended the way it did it is for the best.

Antijen said...

Glad to see you posting again!

I made sure to add your blog to my Google reader so I don't miss a post. Keep 'em coming so I can argue with you in the comments. :)

Embrace caffeine, man. Coffee automatons aren't all bad, come join us. The cappuccinos come with biscotti!

Jason said...

Where is your inner caveman?!?!?!?

Ryan said...

@Jason: Still trying to start a fire.

CMS said...

Nice. I'm catching up on my reading. :-) Now, you need to write more.