Two of the last few posts talked about an 'inner dialog' or 'inner belief' that I thought I'd explain a bit about. I wrot this on 04/03/08 as well as an abridged version of my long-ass trust post. It turned out to be more lectury and not really exposing much of myself. Since I did finally post that Trust post here is the explanation part of 'inner dialog' and 'inner belief' for you.
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People have belief systems, it is part of the mental map you construct in your head in order to make sense of reality. These belief systems start forming when you are a wee baby and continue to develop until you die. Not to put too fine a point on it but you basically spend your entire life making sense of everything through the prism of this mental map.
With that in mind, you can develop some beliefs when you are younger that, at the time, were necessary for survival. As you age these systems can not only become antiquated and bothersome but totally counter-productive or even harmful. Most, actually probably all, of therapy is spent trying to figure out what your belief systems are and then changing them to something that is more in line with what is actually happening.
Finally, before I actually get to my point, these belief systems happen mostly at a subconcious level and can be summed up in really short sentences. For example, "I'm not good enough" or "I don't deserve [whatever]" are examples of destructive belief systems that probably happened through tramua in early life.
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2 comments:
Wow. That's pretty brave of you just to put that out there like that. I hope it helps you to do that. I always think sharing stuff does help, but maybe I am different in that thinking.
What do you do to develop the ability to trust? If you don't mind, I may think on that and do a little research too. Not to solve your situation, but just curiosity based... and to provide options you might not have come across. Can't hurt when working w/ adolescents either :-)
I have a little boy from a broken home too, granted at a much younger age, but it is obvious at times he wants a mommy and daddy at the table with him. It is a common thing being 50% of all marriages end in divorce, but it DOES affect kids, of ALL ages.
I think trust and love are very tightly connected. Not romantic love, but just care, concern, compassion... humanity love. I also think the greater part of that love, is forgiveness. Not forgetfulness, but forgiveness.
I need to think more in order not to trip over my words or say something moronic, but I think that's a good start.
And, you trust "something" if you are able to share something so personal. Good for you :-)
I think I commented on the wrong entry. Shocker :-) Just put this one on the previous one and I'll make more sense.
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