Thursday, July 28, 2005

Letting It Happen Naturally

So with Leslie and I split up and me single again, I've entered into territory I'm not familiar with. While I was with Leslie, I didn't go out of my way to make friends of the opposite sex, let alone try to date anyone. I now find myself in the position of needing to take more risks and put myself out there more, which is very hard for me to do around people I don't know.

After a lot of thinking on this I think my attitude toward dating is to just put my self in the position to meet new people and make friends. Then, if anything grows out of that friendship, I'll pursue it if it feels right. To me, that is letting a relationship grow naturally.

I had this conversation with a friend and she brought up some good points. Basically, she questioned just what 'naturally' means, and I quote:


And as for the happen naturally, there'd be a blog thought. What the hell is naturally? Somebody's got to make an effort somewhere, take a chance, etc.


The backstory of where this conversation came from isn't necessary right now, but it does bring up some interesting questions. It's not like there is a little paperclip in the corner saying 'Now kiss her, dipshit'. So there has to be an aspect of risk taking, even the act of just asking someone you have a budding friendship with if they want to go on a date is a risk. I mean, what if the other person hasn't thought anything about it? What if they then start to feel preassured or uncomfortable? What if all the door holding and nice comments start to be second guessed in the frame of 'this guy just wants to date me'? Risk, right? But without that risk, what? I like to believe that things will just happen but I keep out thinking myself trying to figure out what 'just happen' will look like.

So maybe those of you that have more dating experience (which is everyone) or you married people can chime in here. Did you start going out with someone with the understanding of a dating relationship from the begining or was it a friendship that developed into a dating relationship? If it was a friendship first, how did you know when to make the move to dating? What did that move look like? What kind of rejections did you have and how did you deal with them? Could make for some interesting stories if anyone wants to take a risk and post about it.

12 comments:

Ben said...

Having been out of the dating scene for way too long, I'm not even going to think about giving you dating advice.

I do want to say that the paper clip comment was funny as all hell though....

Ryan said...

Yer married, dork. How did it happen.

Anonymous said...

Well, a lot of alcohol will do wonders for people who are just friends and don't know that they have a thing for each other... :)

-Bunny

JMc said...

Amen!

Anonymous said...

Hmmm, should it then be stated that in order to enter into a relationship, one should always keep their "glass" full, either to enter into another state of awareness.... or keep their beer goggles on ?

How inspirational !!! I need a drink :-)

Ryan said...

So, Bunny and JMc, it sounds like an interesting story there...

Ben said...

Try asking them to judge a local science fair. (No, don't really do this. This only works for very special people. I won't say who.)

Cooking works. You're showing that you have something to offer, that you're willing to work for the relationship, and that you're interested in the other person (assuming that you cook something that you found out ahead of time that they like). Now getting the person you're cooking for into an environment where you can actually cook (i.e. your house) may be a bit akward, but the food fixes everything.

Ben said...

BTW: It helps if you can actually cook well. It's not absolutely necessary though as it can lead to some comical moments involving smoke alarms followed by dinner and/or a movie out.

JMc said...

Yeah, we do have an interesting story...perhaps best told over a campfire than over the internet. :-) I suppose the best moral that comes from our story is that it is always best to approach a relationship as friendship first. If it is meant to turn into something more, it will in due time. Don't rush things or be quick to put labels on a relationship. The worst case scenario is you end up with more good friends.

Ryan said...

Yup, that seems to be the way it's working out. Nice and slow and see where things go. Good stuff. Dancing tonight. :)

milfcritic said...

click for christian dating service

kunchen--349389 said...

Hey there Ryan

I love surfing artoubd reading posts and enjoyed yours...I see you know how to use blogger pretty well. I jsut found a free blog service at Blogiston.com or katrina missing people blogging with a wordpress backend.

If you want a free blog go to http://www.blogiston.com/?s=c