Monday, June 02, 2008

The Secret

Really, when it comes down to it, isn't the ultimate lesson really not only learning but truely embracing that you are ultimately responsible for everything that happens to you?


CMS said...

No. I'll think about that some more, but right now, I say hell no. It's a false generality.

If a tornado comes, I am not responsible, unless I chose to live in tornado ally. Even then, I am responsible to the risk, not the advent of the tornado, just as if I lived there and never got hit by a tornado, I am not responsible to that fortunate event either. If someone cheats, I am not responsible. If I closed myself off and left my partner high and dry, I might have motivated their decision hence having some responsibility to the cheating, but I did not solely make that decision to cheat. If I lose my job I am not...well... may not be responsible - such as layoffs and downsizing. People are responsible to their choices prior to those situations and in reaction to those situations, but not necessarily, and not always solely to what actually happened. People should also be responsible to knowing how their actions place them in queue for other actions and potential reactions, without holding themselves accountable to every reaction. (not claiming to do that one well) That hard lesson is being responsible for putting yourself in a situation where the outcome can be undesired.

Maybe this is my shortcoming, but I am certainly not going to make my self responsible for every facet of all the things that happen to me. If my car breaks down, spotaneously I am not immediately going to call myself responsible, but if my check oil light has been on for 4 weeks, yeah, that was a choice that led to an unpleasant happening. On the relationship side, if you choose to make yourself vulnerable, I "totally" see that that can be risky, but to make yourself "fully" accountable to the result of that choice is either very prideful or overly self depricating. Everything has facets. Some we should own and others we should share because we do not control everything..... damn that truth.

For me personally, I will be accountable to the actions that may have contributed to a result, and to my motivation to my own actions, but I will not assume responsiblilty for things beyond my control. Shit happens - sometimes with intent, sometimes as collateral damage and sometimes because "that's the way things work out". You cannot predict everything, either with cynicism or hope. Being responsible for how you handle the shit, that is what should be embraced, although, at the moment, I'd like to defer.

Kirsten said...

I second what CMS Said! I was just about to write a lot of the same stuff (i.e. hurricane/tornadoes, job layoffs, Car problems, etc).

I think we're all responsible for how we RESPOND to what happens to us, but not always what happens to us.

Ryan said...

I kinda figured I left that too open-ended. ;) Let me clarify.

True, you can't control external factors such as tornados and the like, but that isn't what I'm talking about. What I am talking about is how you choose to react to those situations, not that they happen or not. If a tornado comes and trashes your house it is totally on you to decide how you react to that event and that reaction is what will dictate the way your life goes from there.

That is what I am referring to. You can't control other peoples actions and you can't control random events, but you can control how you react to those events. It is that lesson that is hard to embrace and truely live by.

Becky said...

Well, you said what I was going too. BTW, nice to see you blogging again....I was getting worried lol:)
As my MIL once said to me "well, we all make choices" (granted, she was pretty bitter that small fry was going to dare I lol)...
But I do believe it's how we react to a situation the influences the outcome:)

James said...

I think I put this quote in a prior comment to one of your posts, but it is one of my favorite and I think it fits in nicely here:

"Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom."

--Viktor Frankl

Ryan said...

Yep, that quote is a good one and I think is just another way of expressing the same thing.

Meredith Self said...

yeah. that movie is totally about what you said. You're responsible for you.

But it's kinda manifestation for the masses. or McManifestation.